Cleaning house

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Monday's child

Fireworks tonight :) It was so foggy on Canada Day, and the day after...that the fireworks were postponed until tonight. And they were AMAZING.

That's two sets of fireworks I've seen this week! And both just outside my back door! I love this apartment...if only for its great location.

The fireworks were great, but they made me a bit sad. Funny that the ones last week didn't...but I was alone watching those ones...this time there were neightbours, and a couple sitting on a blanket. It made me sad, because last Canada Day I was sitting on a blanket in Fredericton with Luke watching the fireworks...and we had had a great day, so it was really a wonderful time. I miss that.

I've been really missing him the last few days. I wonder what's up with that...just hormonal, I guess. At least I haven't phoned him yet. Stupid boys. Stupid me, pining after a boy I know is not good for me. Sheesh. :)

It's funny...it's one of the shortest relationships that I've ever had, but even though it was weird--we didn't talk about it openly, we weren't all that affectionate in public...just odd...I felt so close to him. I guess I made myself do that. I don't think he ever felt close to me. If he did, he never said so.

I don't know if he hasn't called me because it's hard for him, or because he doesn't give a crap. He seemed to care...but it might just be that he thought that was what I needed him to seem like. I hate to be cynical, but it's easier that way. I need to remember that the advice I give mum is also good for me.

I need to call Amy tomorrow, as I am worried about her splitting with Jeremi. I'm also worried about how much she's drinking. I think there are worse things than if she were to come out here and stay for a while. I'd love to have her, and it would be good for both of us, I think. It'd shake me out of my gloom, and it'd keep her from drinking so much.

If she were to come here, I could have the puppy...because she could help me walk it until it was used to my house and my hours. That would be awesome. Hell, it'd be awesome to have her here anyway...I really envy the relationship that she and Jenny have always had...because they've lived so close together always. I know it's not good to be jealous, but I am.

I'm sad, and lonely, and jealous. :) And happy too--I got to see Fireworks. And Jayme at work is great. And Scott is awesome. And I'm in Halifax. And I have an amazing family...and I'm starting to straighten out my life and my priorities.

Doesn't get much better than this. Repeat that to yourself 600 times slowly. :) Then start over again.

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