A bit more explicit than usual.

Okay ladies and gentlemen...there's a lot to catch up on. I have, however, no intention of catching you up. I'll fill you in, but I'm quite confident that things will be omitted and even left out. Unintentional, I'm sure.

I was intending to post all day...and all night. But I didn't get around to it. Instead, I had some small epiphanies, chatted with boys, and went for ice cream. Then had some fucked up dreams, which is why I'm here now.

So...I slept with the musician. And man, that boy rocked my world. Granted, it had been almost 15 months since I had sex, but wow. I love me some tall man. I feel good about the choice too. We haven't hooked up since, and it's been a week...but I still feel really good about my decision. I don't feel dirty, or bad. I feel like I want to do it again. But I know that changing my entire approach to things WOULD make me feel dirty, so I'm content to stick with just this once for now.

We have chatted, and discussed, and made arrangements...but we haven't gotten together since. I thought that would bother me, and to be completely honest, the first couple of days it did. But we agreed that we could continue to play for as long as we were interested in doing so. And then I got my fucking period. So I didn't call him. And I think it hurt his feelings...but I wasn't about to get all into a major conversation/discussion/possible let-down with someone I don't really know so well. For the record, I really don't mind having sex while I have my period. I actually quite enjoy it. But it's messy, and some guys don't diggit. I figure that sex is SUPPOSED to be messy, and there's nothing that won't wash. Anyway--I digress.

So things are going pretty well there...I think.

I went out with pretty much everyone on Canada Day, and what a freaking good time we had. I went with Lynn, Heidi, Steven, Lynn's BF and his buddy Phil to drink beer on the patio at Your Father's Moustache for a couple of hours...then we went to the Split Crow...and then onto my Happy Place for the patio there. We drank for 12 hours straight. And had a freaking delicious time. :) Tamara and Jelena met us down at the deck, and Jelena's new man brought a couple of friends with him. One of whom was hot. And an amazing kisser. Yep, I'm a machine.

I've determined that other people's opinions don't really matter so much. Particularly since most people's opinions are not nearly as harsh as my own judgements. So there. :) I'm single, and I decided to feel no guilt about kissing a boy I wanted to kiss. That's all we did, but we did quite a bit of it when we got back to Tamara's...and no expectations. Which was good.

But one of the other things that I've determined, is that I don't want to meet any more boys from the POF website. I've met 4. I've rejected 3 based on the fact that I'm a shallow cow...and the other one? I fucked. I'm not sure how typical this is. YMMV*.

I had met the first boy for coffee. It was an awkward, stilted event. There was the horrifying moment when I realized that he looked nothing like his photo. Well, he did...but the fuzzy photo hadn't clearly shown his hare-lip. Which I could get over, if he hadn't lied about smoking. What is it about people that they think a pack-a-day habit counts as ''occasionally"? They've obviously been smoking too long and have lost what's left of their sense of smell. Nice guy, but...yeah. Not for me.

Then? Scott. Oh. My. God. HOT. Makes me hot. Shame he's only 25. I wish there was something we could do about that. I also wish there was some way to make me instantly cooler, because honestly? This boy, were he my own age? Would be way out of my league on the Cool-scale. But wowza. And I look forward to doing it again. Seeing him, that is. :)

Monday, I went for a walk with a boy I'd been chatting with. And his dog. To be honest, I was more infatuated with his dog than with him. He's a very nice guy, but not for me. A bit on the solid side, WAY on the shy side, and obsessed with being a paramedic. He is one, so that's good. But it's his entire life, and I'm not down with that. I have no desire to be regaled with Tales From the Bus. I don't do well with blood and gore, otherwise I'd be a damn doctor by now. I think that was okay though...we talked a lot, and we've chatted online a couple of times since, and I think he feels the same way. He's smart enough to notice there was no chemistry beyond the initial fun-making of one another. I like that. Maybe we can be friends.

And then tonight. Oh my god, tonight. I'm a horrible person. I'm so damn shallow.

I've been talking to a few guys online. Mainly smart, funny, entertaining. I haven't exchanged photos, because honestly? Until I know they're not freaks, I'd prefer they don't know what I look like. Also, until yesterday I couldn't figure out how to get the photos off my camera, and I didn't have any to give that didn't make me look like Charlize Theron in Monster. (not the GOOD Charlize Theron...couldn't be HER!)

So this boy has been funny, and entertaining...and I was bored stiff. So I asked him to go for icecream with me. I picked him up on my way downtown...and Oh. My. God. He hadn't mentioned that he was only 5'5". Now, *I* am 5'4.5". So I didnt quite realize how SHORT that is. He also had not disclosed that he wears white socks with black sneakers and black pants. Or that he has Travolta-hair.

We had ice cream. We ate it in the car. We went and dropped off my shit at the Salvation Army. We went and got gas for the car. I gave him some of the Best Bubblegum in the World.
I dropped him off. We were together not more than an hour. And I felt terrible, because I knew he liked me. And I was going to have to crush him.

And so when I came home and logged into my MSN, I saw that he'd changed his title to "I got gum!! :D" And I felt bad. And so I set myself to 'away' so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm so horrible. Later, we exchanged about 5 sentences. Which included the ubiquitous, "sorry i didn't talk much, i was a bit overwhelmed--you're really cute! :D". I responded with "thanks." (note the lack of smilies) This was followed up with: "I really liked your voice a lot :D". Again? "thanks". "Maybe we can get together again sometime this week while you're still on vacation if you want...I promise to talk more! :D" "Yeah...I still have a couple of daytrips I have to squeeze in by Friday--probably won't have time." I then faked a phone call so I didn't have to talk to him anymore tonight. Did I mention that he works making pre-cooked take-home food at the grocery store? And that he's been doing it for 6 years and intends to keep doing it indefinitely? Yeah. So Not My Thing. I need someone a little more upwardly mobile. And taller.

So yeah. I don't think I'm going to do this 'online dating' business anymore. I was doing okay in the real world. Sure, I couldn't get a second date to save my life...but at least I knew before I went anywhere that I was getting the real deal. Someone who was moderately attractive (otherwise I'd have sent him packing in the first place). Someone with enough spine to approach me in public. Someone who had enough conversational skills to hold my interest long enough for them to ask me out and get me to say yes. Someone I had already seen clothed, so I could suss out the white-sock-black-shoe-wearing freaks.

I'm so damn shallow. Perhaps that's what I don't like about the online thing. Probably. I just don't like having to admit out loud that I am the person I always hated. But really? Is there anything wrong with having standards? Why waste time with someone you KNOW you couldn't spend the rest of your life with (let alone several hours)?

I think I was also spoiled, because Scott and I didn't exchange photos, and he was so damn hot. And he thinks I'm hot. And that's good. Even though I'm old. :)

Anyway.

The whole reason I'm awake, is that I had a freakish nightmare earlier. I very seldom dream. And when I do? Average, run-of-the-mill dreams. Swimming in the school gymnasium...climbing a mountain that turns out to be a pile of clean laundry...average stuff. But tonight? My mother had snapped and lost touch with reality. My father was still somewhere in the picture, because she was trying to kill all of us. One at a time, and he was at the top of the list.

She had attempted something incredibly violent to him...but was a little bit less evil with us girls. Anyway, for some reason, I was on the floor, in the dark, in my parents room at the old house. My father was asleep in the bed, because I could see his foot. I was calling 911 but kept having trouble connecting. Suddenly, my mother was looming in the doorway. "Uh, Hi mom"

"hello dear. You should come out of there now. And away from that telephone."

"Uh, sure mom."

Then I went out into the hallway, and she lost it. Broke down crying. Had a complete break with reality. I hugged her. "You know i love you, right dear?"

"Of course I do, mum."

"I love you very much. If you're smart, you won't eat your cereal this morning."

"Um...okay, thanks mum."

I then threw away all the poisoned bowls of cereal (one for each of us) and had my mother committed for a nice long rest.

The end.


Messed up, eh? So yeah, it woke me up. And then I was looking for something to do. And I owed you all. So here you go. A regular post pourri of blog topics.

Perhaps I'll try some sleep now. I need to fix my blogroll one of these days. There's about a billion sites I visit almost daily, or at least several times a week...and most of you are NOT over there where you belong. I need to give some madd props to this site today. It's the new pink. It's at the very least my latest crush.

Enjoy yourselves--you only get one kick at the can. And nobody else gets to do it for you...unless you let them.




*Your mileage may vary.