Cleaning house

Monday, February 05, 2007

Work was...work. Team meetings tonight, and tomorrow. Scott's out of town, so they were pretty dull. Although, surprisingly enough, Mark and I had a pretty decent meeting and we were out in good time. The cake, as always, was delicious. :)

So they're splitting up the Gaelic class so that the absolute beginners (like me!) go earlier, and the people who took it before go later. I don't know if I can make it downtown for 6 o'clock, but I'm going to give it a shot. I had so much FUN that I don't want to quit. That, and I've been studying, and I wouldn't want to waste the effort! :)

Overall, today was a better day.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon reading my own archives. I learned something. I learned that my posts are not as revealing as I was worried that they are. I realized that they serve the purpose I need them to, that is as a trigger to myself for feelings, memories and emotions. But they don't convey all of that to anybody who wasn't there. And considering all the drama I've created for myself the last couple of days? That's probably a good thing. :) It makes moving on that much more simple. :)

I apologize again for all the unnecessary excitement. I am not that excitable most of the time, but once the adrenaline and fear start pumping through my veins, it's a bit of a roller coaster to get things settled down again. I promise I'll treat this as a 'Dear ____' relationship email from now on. I'll sleep on any uber-dramatic posts overnight, and then if I'm still all worked up? Then I'll post it. Fair?

Mike made a good point. I DO type things here that are pretty personal. I put my emotions and my feelings out there on display. And I'm not that open a person in real life. I guess that's the cause for the paranoia.

I never considered, when I started the blog, that people I knew would find it. I also never really considered that anybody would care enough about what I had to say to bother coming back. I'm glad that you do though, it's almost like having a little online family.

I am going to stop stalking my SiteMeter too. Having the ability to back-stalk other people, while it makes me feel like Nancy Drew, isn't always such a good thing. I don't REALLY need to know everything. Especially if it's just going to stress me out.

I'm going back to just writing this, and not caring who reads it. If people read things they shouldn't? Well then...that's their problem, and they can have issues with it on their own time. I've got enough of my own issues to deal with. :)

It's gotten incredibly cold out tonight, and I'm not looking forward to getting up at the crack of dawn. I hate being cold.

Something else I've come to hate? Sleeping alone. It's so much warmer to have somebody else to stick your cold toes on! I love my HWB*, more than I can even explain, but a living, breathing, HWB would be even better. I'm just saying. Not that I'm looking all that hard. As it stands right now? I'm pretty content with my $4.99 investment. I don't want to have to toss a heart, a lung, and a set of Ginsu knives into the deal--just to warm up my toes. :)

*Hot Water Bottle - in case you weren't here last winter.

I really do miss sleeping with someone though. And not just because it's cold outside. I enjoy the cozy feeling of snuggling up beside your man, and feeling all warm and content and happy to just be where you're at. I don't even mind the occasional elbow in the nose, or the knee in the back...because it's a reminder that there's someone else there...someone that belongs right where they're at.

It's been a while. And I had a brief taste of it, and all it did was remind me that I was missing something. Something I hadn't really thought about for almost 2 years. You don't miss what you don't remember. But when you finally remember it? Wow. Who'da thought that yearning was such a lonely, achey feeling? And that it lasted so long?

***

I haven't talked to OJ in over a month. I'm starting to get worried about him. I need to get my act together and call him, to make sure he's doing okay. He hasn't blogged in a while, and I haven't seen him online. Perhaps he found himself a job and he's just been busy. Or equally good, perhaps he's found himself a woman and he's just been Busy. :) Alternately, perhaps he's been hit by a bus, or has passed out and is currently shivering inside a car somewhere in Vancouver. Let's hope not.

Variax sent me a present, and it's at the post office, but I haven't had a chance to go and pick it up yet. :( I was going to go on Friday, but I had an headache, and missed the post office by about 5 minutes on my way out to James B's birthday. Saturday? I worked through post office hours. Tonight? Same deal. So tomorrow I'm adding it to my list of things to do on my lunch, and I'm hoping it will still be there!

Rob's the coolest guy in the universe, as he's listened to my babbling and ranting for...oh my...10 years now? He's been in my life every day for ... EVER. He does the coolest random things sometimes...and this is one of them. He sent me a present! :) I love presents almost as much as I love Variax :) Amazing how you can have such good friends who live so far away. I haven't seen V in oh my...10 years now? :) But I can't imagine my life without him.

Okay, enough rambling. Bedtime. I'm up in 4.5 hours for the early morning Team Meeting. Thank goodness there will be coffee!

2 Comments:

  • Two things:
    1) What, no linky goodness on my name? Boo, hiss.
    2) Your new gaelic-obsession actually had me thinking of you yesterday as I started to reread Alistair MacLeod's No Great Mischief. Go, buy, read.

    By Blogger themikestand, At Wed Feb 07, 12:26:00 pm  

  • The ultimate blogging faux-pas. Je suis tres desole. :( But I've since fixed it!!!

    That's a fantastic novel :) And as soon as I figure out how to say 'little red' in Gaelic, it'll be so much easier to re-read! :)

    By Blogger canadian sadie, At Wed Feb 07, 04:20:00 pm  

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