Cleaning house

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Not QUITE Dooced.

So much has gone on in the last couple of days that I hardy know where to begin.

Thanks for all the kind emails asking where I’d gone—I’m fine, and the blog isn’t broken either. I took it offline for a few days so I could do some thinking.

See, I use names quite freely around here. And I mostly do it because I’m not creative enough to call somebody a nickname on a consistent basis. I can’t call people Actor Adam or PUA Paul the way Dolly manages to. I am not that creative. I accept that. Besides which, people are a very real part of my day, and if I’m sharing my day, then I’m sharing my friends, my acquaintances, and my life.

And there, my friends, lays the crux of the problem. Once upon a time…September 2005 to be exact…I had a lapse in judgment and used some last names. If you recall, when I found this out a few months ago I freaked out, and went back to re-edit the posts to remove all personal indicators. Problem solved—yes? No. Decidedly, No.

We all figure that when we delete something from our blogs, it’s gone forever. But we are naïve—(some of us, probably not you. I get that.)—and we neglect to consider the Google cache. O cursed cache.

My boss was Googling (it is TOO a verb!) himself the other day. And he swears it wasn’t as dirty as it sounds. Anyway, he found himself in a number of places. One of them was on my blog. Yeah. MY BLOG. MY BOSS. MY BOSS READ MY BLOG.

Not only did he read it, but he TOLD me he’d read it. He didn’t mention it at work, thanks be, but on MSN. (Yes, I MSN with my boss—another story, another time. Focus now.)

I immediately took it offline. I told him I deleted it, because I honestly intended to at that point. I was mortified. Humiliated. Horrified. Shocked. Appalled. And chagrined, even. Get the idea or do I need to get out my thesaurus?

So yeah. I’ve been spending my weekend trying to figure out what I was going to do about it.

It’s one thing to post your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets online for a bunch of strangers to read—but your RL friends?!! Oh my goodness! Horrors!

And then I started to think about how messed up that is. I know that I’m an incredibly reserved person. I know that I don’t share as much with people in my everyday life as most other humans do. But that’s me. And I DO share; I just choose to do it with you all. And I have come to cherish that closeness, however falsely perceived it may be, and I want to continue it. But being outed has caused me to reconsider how and what I’m talking about.

I’ve never said anything bad, or even remotely negative, about my boss in this blog. I wouldn’t, I’m genuinely fond of the guy. You can search for the back-posts yourself, I can’t be bothered. I’m a bit stressed out today, and this is by FAR the least of my concerns. But even considering that my comments have been positive (gushingly so, it would appear); it’s made me want to lock this place up tight as a drum.

I’ve had to give that some serious thought, as I don’t want to do it. I like that random strangers can stop in. I love that some of you started as random strangers, and are people I now consider friends. I love that a stranger fixed my template! And that another stranger’s kid asks about me when they go to the mall! And I enjoy reading about socks and spinning, and I especially love that some of you stop in to visit and even though you don’t comment? You come back every single day.

So locking the doors doesn’t seem to be the most hospitable way to deal with my personal issues. So I’m not going to do it.

I’m not even going to close the door. I’m opening it wide up. I’m going to always be aware of the evils of the Cache. I’m going to be more conscious of who might be reading. But I’m not going to self-censor. Fuck that. (See? A big ‘kiss my ass’ to censorship!)

My boss promised to stop reading it…but he was also the first one to ask for a password! *laugh* But I don’t expect that. I DO expect that what I share here, while up for public consumption (nature of the internet and all), is NOT up for discussion in my daily life unless I bring it up—and that just because I’m prepared for the entire internet to know who I had sex with, I’m not prepared to discuss my rather boring sex-life with my peers and co-workers. I may be a bit of an emotional exhibitionist, but I still only want it to be for select people I don’t already know!

So…that brings us back online, and onto bigger and questionably better topics. Which I will write about tonight, but I will likely not post about until tomorrow, as this is quite long enough for you folks to digest in one sitting, thankyewverymuch.

G’night, and thanks for stopping by.

8 Comments:

  • Ugh, I so know how that feels. I was checking my site meter stats and discovered that a company that's contracted to monitor web usage by employees had hit my site. I freaked and vowed to never do blog stuff at work again. Then I realized my blog is pretty vague and I rarely discuss work so no biggie. Still scared the hell outta me though!

    By Blogger FrozenExtremities, At Tue Jan 30, 07:21:00 am  

  • so here's the question:

    will you censor yourself now, knowing your boss COULD read it?

    By Blogger Christine, At Tue Jan 30, 06:27:00 pm  

  • You handled that quite well. I'm the same as you...I don't tell my "real" friends about my blog. Good to have you back.

    By Blogger Sean, At Tue Jan 30, 09:48:00 pm  

  • Welcome back. I face the same questions, myself, at one point or another, with a slightly different perspective.

    My students read mine. They write their own (I started them and continue to encourage them because the best way to become better readers and writers is BY reading and writing). I link to them on my blog-stalking list, but most also have an "un-listed" account and blog for the more personal and private stuff.

    Their parents read my blog.

    I'm also pretty damn sure my boss reads mine fairly often. Fortunately, if i get drunk and mad and spend an hour or so ranting a can usually either remeber to save as draft or knock it out before it shows up to many places (like mirrors for Pakistan).

    As for my RL friends... they know about my blog, just can't be bothered to read it.

    Kinda sad, really.

    I'm gonna go cry now.

    No, caution usually leaves things like this post --->
    http://aweaponofmassinstruction.blogspot.com/2006/12/sorry-just-doesnt-cut-it-does-it.html
    and one or two others.

    The comments can get rather confusing after a while.

    Still, i'm more comfortable blogging than actually discussing things. Conversation has no backspace key.

    By Blogger Arthur Dent, At Wed Jan 31, 02:11:00 am  

  • Always a pleasure to stop by, Sadie.

    As for bringing up the blog in real life situations, the one time I went to an official "lunch" with Sween (who you may know of), we looked at each other and would wait for one to say, "Hey, so I was over at..." and the other would chime in with, "oh, yeah! I read that on your blog".

    Suddenly? Nothing to talk about. But the pizza was good.

    If I had a point, it's gone.

    By Blogger themikestand, At Wed Jan 31, 02:57:00 pm  

  • I personally think you should just make up names for people and be done with it!! That would suck to have to censor yourself.

    By Anonymous monkeygirl, At Wed Jan 31, 10:47:00 pm  

  • I'm not going to self-censor. I am just going to trust that if he DOES read it, he'll respect my wishes and not mention it to me at work.

    I try not to mention my workplace (although anyone from the area can pretty much guess) and I try not to talk too much in identifying ways about my coworkers. But sometimes? They play a role in my life, and I want to jot it down as a reminder to myself.

    This is the only journal that I keep. This is the only record of my history. And although it may not be the stuff of which documentaries are made? It's mine. And it's going to stay that way.

    That being said? I'm still not sending my mother an invitation to check out the address any time soon!

    By Blogger canadian sadie, At Thu Feb 01, 01:51:00 am  

  • Scary, isn't it? But I feel the same way you do. I refuse to be anything but myself and I just won't post about work or last names or anything publicly. I learned my lesson the hard way on another domain when an EX BOYFRIEND (Read: psycho) found me. Then I became Mrs. Flinger: One who tells of her hayhay.

    At least if(when) my boss finds it it'll be some dull crap about my ass.

    By Blogger Mrs. Flinger, At Thu Feb 01, 06:08:00 pm  

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