Cleaning house

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Oops.

Wow, do I ever get cranky when I lose my post. Particularly when I stay up too late writing it in the first place. All apologies for the many, many, overly emphatic epithets in last night’s post. But…suck it up, buttercups.

I’m at work, and I’m bored. I have had the same pounding headache all day, and that has not helped. I’m tired of people asking me if we’re going to close because of ‘the storm!’ There IS no storm. It is snowing. It is not even snowing hard, yet. It is blowing. It is not even blowing hard, yet.

When I go home tonight, I’ll post about why I was so off last night. I wasn’t THAT off, until Blogger ate my post. Then I was REALLY off—them’s the breaks sometimes.

…..

Perhaps I should explain a little bit about why I was so disturbed in the first place. If you believe in TMI, then you should probably skip this portion and rejoin us again at the bottom of the page. If not, carry on. This is important as to ‘how I work’.

There are 3 days of every month that I am not permitted to make major life decisions. I work hard at not starting fights, or having ‘discussions’, or dealing with anything which might be bordering on too much sensitivity. I cannot be trusted to use good judgement in these situations over a period of 3 days preceding my period. I am too emotional, and far too ‘girly’ for my own good.

I do not get cranky, or grouchy, or miserable as the stereotypes dictate. But I DO get out of sorts. I get overly sensitive to the goings on inside my own head. I get overly emotional (for me) and not nearly as rational as pertains to my personal life as I usually am. It has taken me a long time to figure this out.

You might think that I’d have clued right in after the first time I started a fight with a boyfriend, the first time I got in a tiff with a girl-friend, the first time I broke up with a boyfriend of long standing and then spent the evening crying because of breaking up with said boyfriend over absolutely NOTHING (well, not nothing, but you get the idea), or after the first time I sent hasty emails to ex-roomies because I was bent out of shape about who used the last of the toilet paper and didn’t change the roll – AGAIN. However, I did not.

It has taken me almost 15 years to figure out the exact what and why and when of ‘What the hell is going on with you, anyway!?’ But now that I have figured it out? I tend to stick with my self-imposed rule of not rocking the boat when the tide is high. Nobody likes having to swim in rough waters. And I do have to say that when I’m cranky, there are no waters rougher.

..…

I was looking forward to last night’s outing…I knew it would be a different dynamic, but Pat’s fun, Bill’s fun, I’m fun…it’s a formula for a good time. Except for the unknown variables.

Stupid variables.

Dumb math.

Math ruined my good time.

We got there, things were good. Good times, good tunes, good company. But the first problem (problem #1) happened when I had to choose a seating location. Our new booth was filled with an old man, so we had to sit elsewhere. I chose a table that was too close to the band (problem #2).

We sat close to the band (who all knew Pat, fun!!!) and were able to chat a teeny bit between songs. But it was too loud. And I was on one end, with Pat in the middle, and Bill on the other end.

~~~ Time Warp ~~~

~~~I'm now at home and finishing the post in the wee hours of Saturday morning. ~~~

Where was I? Ah yes--Bill was at the other end of the table...and he's a mumbler (problem #3). So sitting at the wrong end of the table from a mumbler (#3) when the table is under a speaker (#1) isn't all that great for conversation.

It was really noisy (#2) and the band was really good. The music was great, actually. And we were having a good time.

But I was driving. And the boys were drinking. A lot. Which was fine, because I don't begrudge anybody a drink. Except that I had to stop after two. We got there just before 9 this week, which is earlyish for us lately. And the boys drank right through until 12:30. Which doesn't seem like a long time. But that's 8 regular beer for Pat, and 6 pints(?) for Bill. And a whole lot of nothing for me.

At the first intermission, the band stopped, and Bill and Pat grabbed their coats to go outside for a smoke.* I still had about an inch in the bottom of my glass so I wasn't completely forlorn, but pretty close. One of the guys from the band came to sit with me, and we made polite conversation for 10 minutes or so until the boys came back. Then we chatted a bit more, the band started, and we were back to (#2) me not being involved in the conversation because I had no idea what was going on.

I got a Coast and skimmed that while the set was happening. My glass was long since empty.

Next intermission happens...nobody even said so much as a 'see you!' but grabbed their coats and headed for the door. I sat at the table by myself with no drink, not being happy.

So I took my Coast, and went to sit in the comfy leather chair by the pellet stove, and began to actually READ it. I read my way through the intermission, and into the start of the next set. I looked up, the boys were sitting at the table, apparently oblivious to the fact that I wasn't even there anymore. Niice. Yeah, that felt good. But the band was good, and I was curled up in front of the fire...so I sucked it up.

I went back up and sat at the table. Pat said 'Oh...there you are!' We sang along. It was fun. The boys kept drinking. I still had nothing in front of me. (This is where we get the gratuitous reference to Lent, and how one suffers for their cause. I would have gladly killed someone to make it Easter, but I wasn't going to quit and have the cup of coffee that I so richly deserved. And desperately needed.)

At the end of the night, we put on coats. Bill beelined for the door to smoke. Pat said 'where's bill?' I said, "He went on ahead outside so he could get his smoke in before I got out there to give him grief about it." Pat laughed. And it was true. So. *laugh* Anyway. Again, none of my business.

We were all joking and laughing. The boys continued smoking as we stood outside the car. Then I told them they had to air out before they got in. Bill said 'I've got gum!" I said "That's not going to help your clothes!"

We dropped Bill off, who didn't even say goodbye when he got out of the car....he was exhausted as he'd only had 2 hours sleep the night before, and drunk, but it was still sad for me. Especially considering we didn't barely speak all night. Pat commented on it as we were driving away, and I explained how tired B was. Why am I making excuses for someone else? Because I like him, and I care about how other people perceive him. I made excuses for him at Gaelic immersion too. I need to NOT get into this habit. He's not my boyfriend, and it's not my place. He's a grown man who needs to realize that actions have consequences. Anyway. That's another issue altogether. And it's really just mine.

I drove Pat home, and we laughed pretty much the whole way. He really is an entertaining guy.
I came home, and was just a little bit sad. I was melancholy because I was, for all intents and purposes, alone all night at the bar. I look forward to Thirstday all week long. I really enjoy the conversation, and the interaction, and the being out having fun. And I didn't have fun. Some parts of it were great. But for the most part? Not so much. I'd have gone home and had them call me for a ride if I thought they'd have done it. But I know Bill wouldn't have. That, and home was a long way away.

I was also overly emotional to start with yesterday (refer to the top of the post for reminders as to why) which didn't help. But then I was sad, and disappointed, and lonely...and then, when I was typing out a rather decent telling of the course of events, Blogger ate my post. That's when I lost it. I snapped. I became The Champ.

So again, I'm sorry if you all got to see that post filled with swears. But it was how I was feeling when I went to bed last night. No wonder I didn't sleep so well.

I need to sleep now, but I'll post tomorrow about Scott and Luke meeting up at the Manager's Meetings the other day. Apparently they sat in the bar and drank together for a couple of hours and ended up closing the place. Yeah...interesting that was.

Goodnight folks. Thanks for stopping by.

*(Yes, he's smoking again. Apparently just lapsed, but...whatever. None of my business. I was very disappointed, but it's not my issue. At least now I don't feel so bad about a few weeks ago when he had one while I was at his apartment.)

4 Comments:

  • Are you FREAKIN' kidding me?!? nice...

    Bill

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At Sat Mar 03, 10:01:00 am  

  • ohmygod, that was so well done and interesting. me, i just post pictures of icy trees and my newest toy (laptop, get yer mind out of the gutter) while you post to beat the band.

    and yes, i've BEEN there, ignored while others are drinking and mumbling away.. apparently oblivious to me NOT having a good time.

    By Blogger chRistine, At Sat Mar 03, 12:20:00 pm  

  • I wasn't feeling ignored so much as just out of the loop. And I didn't WANT anybody to know that I wasn't feeling part of things...that's not the point. I don't blame anybody for me feeling out of it except me. But it *IS* how I was feeling, and this is my space to document that.

    But I think I may have really put my foot in it. Oops.

    By Blogger canadian sadie, At Sat Mar 03, 10:06:00 pm  

  • About halfway through this post I considered it might all be easier to follow with a flowchart. But I sucked it up and eventually understood every lick of it.

    By Anonymous Joefish, At Sun Mar 04, 01:16:00 am  

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