Visiting my buddy Gym.

I've been spending a lot of time lately, visiting my friend Gym. We have a love/hate relationship, Gym and I. I dread going to see him, because it's always so much WORK once I get there. We can't just sit, and chill, and have a drink together, and enjoy one another's company. Nooooo. He insists that we are constantly on the move. That we lift this, and push that, and run and run and run. Quite frankly, it's exhausting. But afterwards? It's like how you feel after visiting the dentist. So clean and refreshed, and oddly self-satisfied.

And self-satisfied is exactly how I am feeling after my most recent visits.

In all seriousness, I haven't been pushing myself nearly as hard as I could be. I work harder when Tracey goes with me, but when she's not there? I have a tendency to do cardio until I sweat, then use a bunch of machines, and bail. She forces me to do MORE machines. And MORE stretching. And I force her to do MORE cardio. We push one another. I don't push myself. Until this past week, really. Lately? I've been pushing myself a bit more.

Tracey hasn't been coming with me as often. She had visitors from overseas, then Brent was home, now she's having some family issues going on. So I've been on my own. But I've been oddly motivated. And a couple of days ago, I actually started looking in the mirror. Not my mirror at home, mind you, but the mirrors that are ubiquitous at every gym in the world.

And what I've been seeing is butts. Everywhere. I go to an all women's gym, so it's all girl butts. And I've been comparing. Shuddap! It's natural! I used to look at all the butts and think, Wow...wish mine was like that. But now I look at those self-same butts? And think..wow...I'm almost there. Or even? Sometimes? HA! I look better than that!

It's human nature to compare oneself. When I'm doing this, I'm not doing it to be mean, or to criticize someone else. It's only self-criticism that causes me to compare in the first place.

I've never had a bad body-image, I don't think. But since I've been going to the gym, I've been a lot more aware of how I am shaped, and how my clothes are fitting. I've dropped 13 pounds so far, and I've been accumulating muscle mass. I'm no Arnold Schwarzenegger but I'm certainly a lot more buff than I ever used to be. I have ARM muscles!! I've NEVER had arm strength in my life--well, not since I managed the flooring department, anyway. And never any serious definition. But now? Now I've got a muscle! One on each arm!

I've been doing crunches until my stomach aches. And I KNOW there's muscles under there. And soon? Soon you'll be able to see them. I may even take their picture, if they begin to show their subtle existence in a more prominent way. Lucky you...a peep show!

I feel so good about myself when I come home from the gym. My brain is more relaxed, my muscles are slightly fatigued, I'm not all wired up, and I feel better about myself and my shape. Best of all, I feel relaxed, and calm, and peaceful in my mind.

But.

I don't know how people fit this into their schedules. I try to keep myself busy. I work two nights a week, I have Gaelic class on Wednesday nights. I try to go out with friends whenever an opportunity presents itself. I have a hard time fitting in 4 trips to the gym in a week. That's including Sundays and days off. I live alone.

I have no boyfriend. (yes, I know you're all just as painfully aware of that as am I) I have no kids. I have no pets. Nobody is anxiously waiting for me to come home to them and feed, clothe, cuddle, walk, or nurture them. So for me? It should be easy. And really, when I make the commitment to myself, for the most part it is. But I don't know HOW people with families can do it. I don't know HOW single moms could ever find the time for themselves.

And with the peaceful, rested feeling that regular exercise brings me? I can just imagine that it would be that much more necessary if you had kids you needed to not kill.

There's no real point to this; except to mention how pleased I am with my own progress and how much I wish the same sort of physical well-being for all of you.

Oh yes...and don't forget!!! It's party week, here at Casa Sadie...Pull up a chair, have yourself a beverage, and listen to the tunes. There's popcorn and pretzels on the counter. :)