Cleaning house

Monday, March 12, 2007

Look ma! No net!

Oh my.

I had a wonderful time on Friday getting trashed at Tracey & Brent's. But I had an even more wonderful time wrestling for the electric blanket, snuggling on the sofa, and smooching with B.

I am not really sure how we got there, but we did. And I was looking up at him, and being astonished that we were where we were, and being terrified that I was going to fuck it all up. And I asked something inane about what we were doing there....and I looked up at him, and whispered 'You know, I REALLY like you, right?' and he whispered back, "I really like you, too."

And then we kissed some more. And then I said "I really like looking at you" as I touched his face...and he said 'I like looking at you, too'. And then we kissed some more.

And then we went to sleep next to each other. And it was good.

And Saturday we got up, and all ate breakfast together. And that was fun.

And then he drove me home (we only took one car there). And I got out to get my beer from the trunk, and he got out too. Which he didn't need to do, but he did. And that was kinda nice...but it made me feel awkward for a few seconds.

Until he leaned down and kissed me again. *beam*

And I said, "Oh, so that's it then...okay." And put down my stuff and kissed him back some more. And that was awesome.

And then I told him I wanted a hug...just because I did. So we hugged. And I remembered how much taller than me he is. Because you forget that stuff when you make a point of not standing very close to someone.

And then I went inside and began obsessing.

Saturday didn't bring much worrying, I was still basking in being content and astonished and happy.

But today? Today brought with it anxiety, and tension, and fretfulness. I know, I'm an idiot. I should just accept things as they are, and be happy about that, and move on. I shouldn't worry and fret and imagine. But I do.

Lynn came over for supper tonight, and I made a really awesome Wild Mushroom Strudel that I ripped the recipe out of a magazine for. (what an awkward sentence!) I will do it again, but I have some recipe tweaks planned. After I perfect it, I'll post the recipe for all of you. It's amazing.

So we split a bottle of wine...which was lovely...and chatted, and gabbed. And I told her about my Friday/Saturday.

And I should have gone to bed hours ago, but what with my 10 hours of sleep last night, and the stupid time change, I've been wired. Which worked out well, because Quinn is awake and has been keeping me company.

By keeping me company, I mean to say 'talking some sense into me'. He's suggested that I take a chill-pill and loosen the fuck up. He's suggested that I should not worry so much about 'does he like me' and worry more about 'does he know that I like him'. And he's right. I'm a coward, and I am not that way in any other aspect of my life. So I need to make a move on my own.

Because I REALLY like this boy. I've been not saying it for months now. And I've been trying to talk myself out of it, because I didn't think he liked me. And maybe he doesn't, but I'm pretty sure that he does. Because I'm going to just take the bull by the horns and let him know. And admit it out loud to everybody else; thereby admitting it to the most important person of all--myself.

And I will make an effort to try to not read things into his actions or lack thereof. I will focus on tangible things...like the fact that he was jealous of me last week. And that he kissed me on Saturday morning.

Because we're pretty damned good kissers together. :)

Happy week folks. Cross your fingers for me...this is a pretty flimsy limb I'm hurling myself out onto. And I'm doing it without a net.

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