Cleaning house

Monday, July 09, 2007

stop the insanity.

Oh my.

Anger. Frustration. And even a good dose of sadness.

Anonymous comments don't usually bug me. Except when I know where they come from. And I know what place they come from inside that particular person. Then they bug me a lot.

Apparently it 'wasn't intended to be taken so seriously'. Whatever. But I'm angry. And I'm mostly just hurt.

I don't care if random strangers judge me. Honestly? That's what a blog is for. (Love you all to bits, but honestly? You can just fuck off if you don't like me or my life.) But when people that you know, care about, and love, judge you and your THOUGHTS? Not even your ACTIONS? That's decidedly unkosher.

So I did what I had to do. (Me and my 'HAD TO's'.) I started something. Which may be the beginning of the end.

I knew the end had to come sooner or later. You can't be best friends with someone, love them, care about them, and not date them forever. Eventually one of us had to rip off the bandaid. I think I gave it a really, REALLY good tug tonight. It's just hanging by a little sticky chunk...that's all twined up in the hairs on my arm. You know those ones...that you work at it and work at it, hoping to pull it right off? And it just HURTS. So you stop. And then you try again? And it HURTS. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again...and expecting a different result." - Albert Einstein

That's where I've been. I've been working at calling it quits--breaking the cycle. And this may have done it. I mentioned that in saying one doesn't want to be with me, and then me working at buying into that, one forfeits one's right to judge me. One forfeits one's right to an opinion about who/what/how/when/how often I fuck.

***

I left this overnight. I am still angry about it...but have moved on quite decisively.

We spoke a little bit after this, and are on speaking terms once again. Although barely. And only because I wanted to 'fix things'. I'm a sucker like that. Anyway. I'm still moving on.

A real post will follow later tonight. With much less bile (or even consideration) wasted on thinking about this same old bullshit. I will expend my bile on my work for once, and you can all just mull over that instead! *grin*

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