Cleaning house

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Wow.

The following is a transcript (cut'n paste) of my evening (morning). It's a rehash of my conversation with my sister as rehashed with my friend Rob. I've cut Rob out to protect the innocent. I realize there are more sides to this story than I'm presenting at the moment. I haven't had time to absorb them all. I just need to vent, and here it goes.

I know I haven't blogged in a few days, and I was thinking earlier of how I would approach my vacation this week--would I blog in the morning...would I blog in the evening...would I be random and filled with caprice? Then I went to bed without blogging. And at about 4:00 am, my baby sister called me...in tears. Filled with apologies about waking me up...and how she shouldn't have called...etc.

Here's a newsflash for anyone who has siblings. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM, PICK UP THE GODDAMNED PHONE. Your siblings (read family) are not an inconvenience. Yes, sleep is fun. But if you NEED your family, you call them. No matter the time, no matter the place, no matter the circumstance. If you are my family (and you know who you are, Christine) or a friend of any degree, my phone is always on the hook, and as bill collectors do not phone at 4:00 am, I will answer it.

I would sell my soul, or my worldly possessions, or my body for my family. That's what I have always grown up knowing. We all know that about each other in my family. And yet, we still get all apologetic and embarrassed if we have to pick up the phone in the wee hours of the morning.

I'm going to post the transcript now...but I may delete it. I don't know if this is a story that's mine to tell. But...I really don't know what to do about it. IT's 5:15 am, and I'm a little wired.

Here goes nothing.


me(4:58:22 AM): hmm...downloaded the newest version today, and I have to say I don't like it.
me (4:59:14 AM): Have you ever wished you were independently wealthy so that yo -set around the globe and solve the problems facing your loved ones?
me (5:00:52 AM): my sister's stuck in a bad relationship.
me (5:01:02 AM): I just got the weepy 4 am phone call.
me (5:01:19 AM): she's only stuck by her own self...but apparently he's using drugs.
me (5:01:31 AM): and until 6 weeks ago, was encouraging her to do the same...and she was complying.
me (5:01:39 AM): "Please don't tell mom"
me (5:01:56 AM): "Get your ass out of there--he's not your problem, and you can't 'fix' him."
me (5:02:01 AM): "Please don't be mad"
me (5:02:24 AM): "I'm not mad, but I need you to worry about YOU--not about HIM. HE's not my sister".
me (5:02:31 AM): stupid fucking jackass.
me (5:02:49 AM): he's lucky I live a 24 hour drive away--and that my car would only make it 4. me (5:03:40 AM): If my father wasn't such a complete and total fuck-up I"d be tempted to tell him. But he's not my old dad anymore. He's a selfish ass, and it would likely interfere with his sleep patterns, or his regularly scheduled appointment to fuck with my mother's head.
me (5:03:54 AM): ...and I used to think we were a fairly well-adjusted family. :)
(*edited*)
me (5:05:01 AM): I really did think we were normal. It never occurred to me that my sister would use anything more harsh than weed.
me (5:05:46 AM): apparently she did it in high school too. And she stopped because she liked it too much...so she developed a hate for coke so that she wouldn't do it anymore. *BOGGLE*
me (5:06:27 AM): ...and Jeremi brings it into the house all the time. And she asked him not to, right when they got together...because she knew if it was there, she'd do it.
me (5:07:04 AM): She said she hasn't done it in 6 weeks. But the thing that concerns me most is that she's been living there for a year and a half
me (5:07:41 AM): I know she made the decision to use...but that fucker gave it to her. I know he's got his own problem....but. Little weasel.
me (5:08:14 AM): I never thought I'd see the word 'use' in that context used in reference to my sister. It's disconcerting.

So as you can see, I've had an interesting evening/morning.

I wanted to go home for my vacation, but I"m beyond broke--and the cheapest flight I could find was $987.00 return. The train was $480. + taxes. So, I decided to not go home. But now I REALLY want to. I don't know how many annoying "When will we see another payment, Ms.Sadie?" phone calls I can handle though...$600 worth is a lot of calls.

If I caught the train tomorrow, I could be home by suppretime on Sunday. It's a 26 hour trip there, and only 18 hours on the way back. Bleh. I wonder if I can help at all if I"m there.

Well folks--if I blog tomorrow, I didn't go on a wild road-adventure. If I don't blog, you'll know I"m on a train working hard to avoid making eye-contact with freaks.

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