Cleaning house

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Wow. :)

What a great day!

I just got a call from my absolutely wonderful sister who lives in the Cayman Islands. Grand Cayman, to be precise.

I have not talked to my sister directly since just after Christmas. That's 7 months. We've left messages on each other's machines, called each other and left no messages, etc, etc, etc...but we haven't spoken. I've missed her lots. It's one of those things where since you haven't spoken in so long that there's so much to say that you don't really say much of anything. You just hit the high points and leave out most of the details that make a conversation with your sister a conversation with FAMILY. But it was so good to reconnect.

I am toying with the idea of giving her my blog address--but I'm not sure that I am ready for my family to know this much about me yet. I'm not sure how I got this reserved and introverted, but I've always been this way, and it's really hard for me to kick the habit.

I had a great little chat with Anthony today, and it was nice to talk again. I think we can be friends again, now that he's with Deborah. I hope so, anyway. :) I miss chatting with him. :) He's fun! :)

Work was crazy at first, and then after 3:00 it was desolate. I left early at 5:30. I made veggie soup last night, and it was sooooo nice to come home to today. I have thus far resisted the siren call of the ice cream in the freezer. I think I may cave in, but I have put a price-tag of 20 situps on a bowl of the demon-stuff, anmd it may be too steep a price for me to pay tonight. We shall see.

Mrs. Flinger seems to be living my life, but on the flip-side. She posted today about how as a stay-at-home mother she was perceived as 'doing nothing important' by her old colleagues. It amazes me how our society under-values women's work. It is an huge sacrifice to give up your career to do the much more important job of raising a child. It is a sacrifice that we do not expect men to make, and one that they rarely consider. Women are forced to make these choices all the time.

I find my career is stalled because I am still single and of child-bearing age. I find that in that circumstance, looking young is an huge disadvantage. Because I will most certainly be beyond the age where I can do anything about a family before I feel established enough in my career to start a family!

Why should i have to choose? Men do not have to choose. Why should someone else be permitted to make the choice for me? Because I am so obviously an heterosexual female. Nobody has come out and told me that I can't have a store because I am a woman. It has been implied in many, many ways.

I was forced into an equivalent position at the Head Office because I was led to believe that it was the only form of promotion that would be available to me at the time. It was a great job. It could have been better. I was not well suited to it, and I hated every second of it. But, were I in a place in my life where I wanted to start and parent a family, I could have done so with little impact to the bottom line of our company.

Any position that I WANT will cause drama and strife for my company should I have a baby and leave that position for a time. So I can understand why they would not want to give me a position that might cause dificulty. I would even make the same decision myself, given the circumstances. I'd hire a slightly less-qualified man that I could be sure would continue to work 60 hour weeks and give all his time and attention to the job, than the much more qualified 30-something woman that looks 'ripe-for-the-picking'.

But because it's the 'logical' decision and I"m a thinking human-being...I limit my own career options. And I accept that it's a reality in my life. And I almost accept that there's nothing I can do about it. Except what I'm already doing. Which is doing my job better than any man I have met in the same position. But it really stinks to have to be at least twice as good as anyone else doing the same job, just to force the powers that be to 'consider' me the same way they consider the men.

Argh. Raw nerve time. And you know what burns my ass even more? The fact that I"m considering going back to school for a B.Ed so that I can become a teacher and have my summers off and get out of this I can start a family and not have to deal with this shit. People EXPECT teachers to have kids of their own!!!

Granted--this whole family issue is a moot point for me right now, as there is no potential papa anywhere near the picture. :) But it still prevents me from getting a promotion--because they're not allowed to ask me if I intend to have babies anytime soon. That would violate my rights. *snicker*

Please drive through.


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