Busted.

So...my previously top-secret and discrete blog has been discovered. It's not that I've been nominated for a Pullitzer or anything (yet), but it's an interesting feeling, being 'discovered'.

Knowing that other people may stop by puts a certain amount of pressure on one to produce. I now have a strange desire to write something filled with content. Some sort of meaningful social commentary, not just banal tripe about how my day is going.

However, banal tripe is about where my head is at these days. :)

So...on the personal front--an update. I've been feeling rather good about the whole 'Luke' situation the last week or so. (you can scroll back to count the exact number of days since the phone call incident if you so desire) I've been actually content, pleased with myself and my job, and other than a mild obsession with retrieving my radio (my mom bought it for me!) I'm pretty much moved on.

Which I find bizarrely frightening. It makes me wonder if I am just glossing it over, or if I've really been able to compartmentalize this already. Here's the thing that makes me think that I've actually moved on (mostly)...

I've been hoping quite sincerely that he's happy with her, and that they are able to have the 'normal' type of relationship that we were not. I have been pleased that I am now open to new and exciting experiences and people, even if none should arise in the immediate future. And the kicker happened today.

Lynn (a girl I was always a bit jealous of because I knew Luke had previously been crushing on her) has a new job in Human Resources--she was in the store today to do the confidential supervisory reviews. Anyway, she has been friends with Luke for a long time too.

She was in the Fredericton store on Monday and Tuesday doing reviews. Monday, she saw Luke...invited him to have supper with her and some girls. He said 'sure' and then pretty much blew her off. One of the other girls told her he had a girlfriend. She was happy for him (which is the general concencus from people who didn't know about me). She phoned him at 7:00 and he didn't answer his phone. She called him again at 9:00 and asked if he was coming to eat. He said 'No, I have to pick up Cynthia' and said 'thanks for calling' and hung up.

Tuesday, she saw him at the store, and went to say Hi, and he avoided her. He didn't speak to her all day. She went to approach him to chat, and he deked out the other way. He didn't even say goodbye when she left the store.

Which makes me think he's just odd. Lynn said she thought he was being a jerk--just like everyone else had always said he was. I laughed, and said I felt the same way, and that I'd always defended him, and that I had recently come to believe that he was not the man I had previously thought he was, and that everyone else must have been right. She said, "They sure were!"

Anyway...on top of that...Cynthia's s moving to Halifax in 2 weeks to go to school at Dal. *laugh* Lynn said "so you'll probably be seeing lots of him, then" I said "Highly unlikely" , smirked, and went on about my business.

The funny thing though--is that it doesn't bother me in the slightest to think that he's happy now. Well, only a little bit because of something Heather said when I told her--but that's another issue. It doesn't bother me to think that i might bump into them on the street or in a bar. I just want my damn radio back. And if he'll be in town more often because she's here, then that's more opportunities to return my damn stuff. :)

So. What Heather said. I kinda laughed about it when I told her Cynthia was moving here...because it really is, somewhat poetic justice. Only because he's avoided having to face me, and Karma's going to bite him in the ass in a big way. But I may have been a little too convincing in my Wow-look-at-me-I'm-strong-healthy-and-healed! Not-to-mention-indifferent!-persona because Heather (who is supposed to be MY friend) pointed out how other people in the store have noticed a big change in him and think he's so much happier now that he has a girlfriend (that they know about). Which is not a nice thing to say to the recently exed girlfriend.

I pointed out that it was probably because he wasn't so uptight about work, and he was actually going out to the bars with the crew from the store...they discovered that he's not quite such an obnoxious prick as they thought he was. Which would make him happy. I just hope that for his own sake, he's careful about how much he hangs out with the crowd from the store. I may be somewhat pleased that Karma's got sharp teeth, but I still wish him well in terms of his career.

Anyway. I think I'm over it. Mostly, at least. And other than Heather needing lessons in remedial friendship, I didn't actually twinge much. Except when I had to think for a second about him being happier without me than with me. But then I realized that it had nothing to do with me, and everything was cool. Such a harsh self-critic, I am.

Must sleep. No more navel-gazing for a while. I swear. :)

Heather's coming down this weekend, staying with Lynn. We're off to the driving range on Saturday, and the Lower Deck (my happy place)...and there will be fireworks...and hopefully boys! :) Wheee--fun this weekend...and sunshine too!! Maybe I'll even get a tan! A girl can dare to dream. :)

Today's random web location shamelessly stolen from another blog:

http://bioteach.ubc.ca/quarterly/quarterly015/0105monks.html