Ahem.

Okay...so this "I'm going to post all the time over the holidays" plan stinks.

But...it'll be better soon. I know, you've heard that before. But this time, I mean it!!

The kick-assiest present ever...is a new computer for MOI! God bless my mom and my sisters! :) I've been shopping for days, trying to determine what I NEED, what I'd like, and how best to not get ripped off. It's hard! I don't know the first thing about computer equipment, and solid (RELIABLE) advice has been hard to come by. I think I've found it, but I'm having the shakes about spending so much cash. Particularly when it's not my cash to begin with. Bleh. Anyway, I'm looking at a notebook instead of a desktop, as I want to be portable.

And I never want to be in the situation I was in earlier this week. I was ACHING to get to my mother's so I could get online and read some blogs. I wanted to post some stuff, and I wanted to read my email. None of which I could do, because Mom's computer was at the shop having its modem fixed. Then, when it came back, and I thought I was finally good to go...I found out that it wasn't really fixed after all, it was only 'sorta' fixed. It's not bad now (Quick, knock on something wooden!) but it's just an uncrossed finger, or a stubbed toe away from a crash at any moment. So. I am looking forward to having my own portable hookup wherever I go.

Whee :)

My mom's had the flu pretty much since I got home, so we haven't had much opportunity to spend time together. I feel bad about that, but...what can you do? She is definitely bearing the brunt of it--as she's been absolutely miserable. She finally went back to work yesterday, and came home at noon. She did the same thing today. Is it selfish for me to want her to stay at work so I can plan my day around actually LEAVING THE HOUSE? Yes, it is. I know. But I'm learning to cope with my selfish ways.

Hey, I want her to be better too...but I really want to be able to make plans and actually get out of this building. It really stinks when you're trapped in a house that you call 'home' but for all intents and purposes is worse than the Holiday Inn. You see, at the Holiday Inn, at least there's a pool and cable TV. Here, no cable. Intermittent internet. Livestock*. And none of my stuff.

It's hard to fill 8 hours a day of alone-time with NOTHING. If I were at my house, I would at least be able to clean. Here, my mother gets offended if I do anything more intense than the dishes. She's afraid I'll break her washing machine. Folks, this is the woman who gave me instructions on how to leave her a message on the answering machine.

I called from my sister's place when I hit town to arrange a pick-up/drop-off/transfer...we discussed, I said I'd talk to Amy and call her back. She said "I may go out to the barn, if I do, the machine will pick up. It will beep--be sure to leave a message AFTER the beep." The details got more involved over the next two minutes. It was all I could do to refrain from saying "Mom! I'm 34 years old! I think I know how to use an answering machine!" I just said "Yes, mom, of course I"ll leave you a message if you're not inside". I'm a good daughter. I decided not to be condescending and bitchy too early in the visit. Gotta earn the Christmas booty!

*Livestock. We have livestock. And not in the barn where you might expect it to be. Nope, we keep ours conveniently located in the middle of the kitchen.

Now, my mother has horses. We've always had horses. The horses live in the barn. We have barn cats. We've always had barn cats. The barn cats live in the barn.

This is where it starts to get interesting.

We have always had a dog. Mum just got a puppy. He's adorable. He's a chocolate Labradoodle. He's awesome. VERY active, but he's a puppy. It's just been a Loooooong time since we had a puppy around the house. We also have a house cat. His name is Ike. He's the spawn of Satan's very own cat. He's evil. He's Resident Evil.

Mum also has a pet bunny. It lives in a cage in the kitchen. He is white, with brown ears. His name is Chocolate. He's a white chocolate bunny. {insert giggle here} Yes, I knew you'd get it.

My mother has a weakness for animals in distress. She is always taking in horses that need a good home. Horses that are broken down and can no longer race. Horses that are too old to have foals. Horses that other people don't want to put down, but neither do they want to pay for their room and board until they kick off from natural causes. So my mother takes them in. The Humane Society has her on speed dial. I'm not even kidding.

A friend of hers works at the SPCA. This 'friend' called up my mother because they had an unusual animal in need of a new home. The SPCA had found a baby chicken running loose on the roads of downtown and didn't know what to do with it as they are not set up to house stray CHICKENS.

My mother took in the chicken. It lives in the cage with the rabbit. For those of you keeping count at home, the kitchen now houses 1) a very active puppy, 2) an evil cat, 3) a harmless white bunny with an unfortunate name, and 4) a chicken. I called my mother Mrs.MacDonald the other day. She didn't find it amusing. But...I did.

Particularly when two mornings ago, the phone rings about 7:00 am. I think to myself, "Self? Who can she possibly be talking to this early in the morning? Perhaps it's a snow day and there's no school." Nope. It's her friend from the Humane Society. Asking her if she could make a home for A GOOSE. A fully grown goose that someone couldn't bear to give the hatchet for dinner like they had been planning. She said no. But I'm sure it was only because she was afraid I'd make fun of her.

Freaking LIVESTOCK in the kitchen.

On that note, I wish a Happy Vacation to all of you. May you not have to change the cage, empty the litter, or pick up puddles for the entire holiday season!