The time of the snack is happy.

The time of the snack? It's happy.

And this sales ad? Hilarious.

TWO FAT PEOPLE ADMIT DEFEAT

Two fat people are looking to dump their Excel 395 Recumbent Magnetic Exercise Bike for $100 OBO.

Although we don’t know from a lot of firsthand experience, this terrific bike comes with:
- Adjustable seat (extra large to accommodate even the biggest caboose)
- Adjustable tension (which apparently would have been an excellent cardiovascular workout, had we ever gotten past the second level)
- Computerized speed, distance, odometer, timer, and calorie display
- Less than 250 miles on the odometer
- Cup holder (and, really, isn’t everything better with a cup holder?)

Don’t need an exercise bike? No problem!

The Excel 395 also makes a great clothes-drying rack.

And hope chest.

Please buy our bike and get it out of our house so it’s no longer a daily reminder of how we failed in our quest for fitness. Also? We’re tired of dusting it.Thanks!

P.S. It will fit in an SUV, but we can also deliver it for an additional fee, although do you want two sweaty fat people having simultaneous heart attacks in your stairwell?

P.P.S. Naturally, we’ll need cash because we’ll probably use the money for pie.