Today.

Today I felt more like myself than I have in weeks.

I was cheery, without having to fake it. I was pleasant, and meant it. (mostly) I laughed. It felt good.

I spent a lot of time thinking and sleeping the last couple of days, and I'm not sure which was more beneficial.

I came up with some plans for the next little while, and I feel really good about them. If I can make myself put them into motion then we'll be smoking right along.

I chatted with Bill a bit tonight about that, and about how he's in a funk himself. It's funny how our perceptions of ourselves are always so different from the ways that others perceive us. And that we are always so wrapped up in what we present to others that we sometimes don't even know what the 'real' us is. We are all so self-absorbed that while we're worried about how others are perceiving us, we don't even consider how hard things can be for other people in the same situation. Except that their issues are the complete opposite of yours; and you don't even know it.

He's the one person (other than all of you internets) that I have never been remotely concerned about impressing. I've never given a second thought to how he perceived me, or whether or not he would think I was 'acting' right. He does. All the time. And even with me. With ME...I was shocked to hear it. And saddened. Because heck...it's ME.

But that just made me realize how much of the previous statement is true. How we're all really just icebergs...10% visible, 90% happening under the surface. And how it's easier to believe the negative voices inside your head than it is to believe the few REAL voices telling you positive things. We all need to work hard at paying closer attention to the REAL voices. And if you don't hear them often enough? Make sure you're being a REAL voice for someone else...because odds are they're not hearing the positives often enough either.

Joe brought some stuff by the apartment tonight...I hadn't finished clearing out his room yet. And now all the excess furniture is in the living room. I'd been purging a lot lately, but not enough! The house is so full of crap! I need to have a good 'toss it' day again...but no such luck until Friday. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I'm considering driving home on my vacation in August. I want somebody to go with me on the road trip, if I drive. I can't really afford the plane ticket, but if I had somebody splitting gas with me--I could swing the road trip. That, and it'd be a blast if I end up with the right person. Now it's just a matter of figuring out who.

In other news: I found Dan-O on Plenty of Fish tonight. And Chris L. found me and sent me an email. (yes, I've re-entered that world. It's part of my plan to actually get out there and meet new people. It's certainly not ideal, but it's better than my previous plan, which was to do nothing and pine over lost 'maybes'. So far I haven't even spoken to anybody. I got one email which I haven't answered yet. But I just put up a photo yesterday--that always gets a hella lot more attention. We'll see what happens. I may just chicken out and delete it again. Who knows?) I don't know if it's embarrassing to be found on there or not...I have to look at it in terms that they're there too. I also signed up over at Lavalife. I saw Billy updated his profile last weekend. It made me a little sad, but happy for him. He needs to move on just as much as I do.

K folks...gotta hit the hay. Have to get up early and finish clearing out the spare room, and taking the throw-out piles to the Sally-Ann drop box over at Sobey's.