Cleaning house

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Ahem.

It's been a really long couple of weeks.

This past week, in particular, has been trying.

Friday I mentioned that my boss was a fuckwad. I was correct, and mostly stand by this assertion. Saturday we got into it again, and at that point I told him that I was sick and tired of being the only person on the management 'Team' of whom there were expectations. I explained that I was becoming a cranky and angry person, and that That is not Who I Am. I explained that I needed a new job.

He was surprised, shocked, and quite a bit worried. I think he was afraid I was about to quit and leave him surrounded by a herd of morons. (which would clearly be the result if I were to unceremoniously quit) I explained that I wasn't enjoying the person I was becoming, and that it was a direct result of not feeling challenged and/or fulfilled by my job. He started to tell me that I needed to 'be patient' and I cut him off. "Don't even START to use that P-word with me. I've been MORE than patient, and I'm tired of it." He mentioned the tons of opportunities coming up in the (not-so)short term.

I indicated that I needed a serious change, and I needed it soon. I explained that if I didn't have a change by September, I was going back to school.

Full-fledged panic set in--he looked horrified. "Um...full-time? Would you quit altogether, or would you still work?"

"Of course I'd still work, I have to pay for it somehow."

"um...but would you still work HERE?" The panic in his voice was palpable, but he was trying to play it cool.

"Uh--Yeah. Where else do you think I'd go? I can't afford to work at Tim Hortons. I'd only be going back part-time. I don't know. I just know that I need a change."

He was very, VERY relieved.

We talked a bit more about changes at the store. He asked if I'd be happier with different departmental responsibilities. (I would not.) He asked if simply changing stores would make a difference, or if it would just be a Band-aid. I told him the truth--that it'd probably be alright for 6 months, and then I'd be even less happy than I am now.

I really don't know what will help, but I know I'm tired.

To be fair, part of the reason that I'm particularly cheesed off this week is because of the weather. "What's that got to do with anything," you ask yourself? It's been ridiculously hot this week. It's actually been Summer for the first time all summer. And that has coincided with the full-moon. Which makes for a deadly combination of bitchiness.

People have been meaner and nastier and more horrible in the last week than I've seen in 18 years of customer service experience. I have been hollered at, and called names, and told I'm stupid more times in the last 3 days than in the last 6 months combined. And I'm tired of it.

Now? After I listen to you bitch and rant at me over something trivial? I invariably disconnect, wait for the dial-tone, and mutter "goddamned bitch. No wonder the clerk told you to wait your turn, you ignorant sow. Maybe next time you should stay the fuck home." I never used to do that. Not out loud, anyway. My associates are starting to think I'm crazy, what with all the muttering under my breath and slamming my notebook on the table.

Anyway...it's been a crazy week. Today there was a thunderstorm, and a break in the heat, and I've never been so grateful in my life. Tonight? I went a whole 3 hours without getting a complaint phone call. It was heaven. Although every time my phone rang, my whole body would tense up in anticipation.

***

Saturday after work (close shift 3 of 7 for those of you keeping score at home) I went to a party for some friends that just got married. T & B snuck off and had an incredibly intimate ceremony with only her grandparents, and their witnesses. It was lovely (according to the photos), and the party yesterday was the celebration of the nuptials. It was a BBQ event that started at 3pm. Of course, I had to work, so for me it started at almost 11.

Angela came over after work, and we went together. The original plan was to cut out after a short visit to the bonfire, and meet up with Chris and the boys downtown. Angela met a boy (well, we both did) that she thought was looking at her all night, so we stayed out in Enfield a lot longer than originally planned. It was a fun time. I was surprised that she had as much fun as she did...but she did, and we didn't end up getting home until almost 4:30 am.

I got her established when we got back, and I finally hit the hay around 5:20 am. Good times, considering I had to be up at 7:30 to go to work for 8:15. Boy was I tired.

When I got home, my computer having been left on, I checked my email and my Facebook. Dan had 'poked' me, so I poked him back. Well, he was awake, so he did it again. I poked back, then logged off. As I was laying my head on my pillow, my phone rang. (Yes...5 am.) I answered it, assuming it was Tracey in Edmonton. It was Dan-O.

Now you may have to cast your memories back a ways to remember Dan. I met him last summer at Cheers one night when I was out with Lynn and Heidi. Then we spent a little time together, and I went to a wedding with him. I also invited myself to his New Year's Eve shindig.

We've emailed a bit, but haven't spoken on the phone really, or seen one another since January 1. So he called, because I was still awake and he'd just gotten home from the bar. We chatted for about 20 minutes, and then I explained that I HAD to go to bed, since I had to get up for work. "You have to WORK tomorrow?!"

I jokingly suggested he bring me coffee the next day and check out my new haircut. (Oh yeah! I got my hairs cut! And it looks awesome! Dramatic, but awesome!)

He actually did. Which was nice of him. And quite pleasant. We visited a bit. We discussed going for a drink some time soon. (I'm not sure if either of us quite meant it...but I'm sure that neither of us quite DIDN'T mean it, so we'll see.)

Yesterday was okay, but I was exhausted. I came home, and had a bit of a snooze. I was starving and had no food--so I took myself to Steak & Stein for supper. Me and Harry Potter had a hot date. *Grin*

I was starting to get a bit of an headache on the way there, and chalked it up to just being over-tired. But through the course of supper, it got progressively worse. On the way home in the car? It turned into a full-fledged migraine. I was having a hard time driving, what with having my eyes closed and all. I barely made it home without gouging my eyes out with my VW key. (that one, because the bendy nature of the key makes digging out your brains a lot easier to accomplish...working around the nasal cavity and such)

I went to sleep at 9:05 pm...I had taken a couple of extra-strength ibuprofen and layed down to pray for absolution. I managed to get to sleep, and crashed hard until 12:40 am. I was up for an hour or so, then slept hard again until 10 am this morning. I was supposed to start work at 10 am. Oopsie.

I've been sooooo unmotivated to be punctual lately. I really do seem to be working at getting my ass fired. I need to do something positive for myself in order to shake things up. (I'm not ever going to get fired--Even in my half-assed state, I still work harder and more effectively than any other manager in my store.) I WILL fix up my resume this week on my only day off. I WILL go to the university to see what I can take that interests me. I WILL start taking steps to make some positive changes in my life. I will, also, take steps to meet new and interesting people.

I've also determined that I need some serious changes in my social life. I'm not sure I've updated enough lately for you all to notice how much more time I've been spending meeting new folks already. I've been going where I'm invited, with reckless disregard for sleep or the age of my companions. It's beginning to resemble LAST summer, and I can only see that as a good thing at this point.

One of these days, (I hope) I may even meet some new boys. Which would be good, as I'm really starting to miss having a boyfriend. I miss the physical aspects of it. I miss hanging out, and holding hands, and kissing. I really miss kissing. Not to mention sex... *wist* But I really miss the closeness of a relationship. And I miss the just spending time doing cool stuff.

This has been becoming more and more apparent to me, but really hit home last weekend. Last Sunday when Billy and I went to Peggy's Cove and for a random automotive adventure, I had such a fantastic time just chilling. It was really nice to spend it with a friend--but it was the kind of day that would have been sooooo much nicer to spend with someone I wanted to hold hands with and smooch. (yep, I'd have to say that we really ARE moving on here, boys and girls--call Guiness!)

***

Random stuff I haven't mentioned:

I got a haircut on Friday morning before work. I went extreme. I got a pixie-cut, and it's super short. I alternate quite often between 'Oh my god, it's so chic! I love it!' and 'Oh my GOD! What in the name of Vidal Sassoon were you THINKING?!' All day at work on Friday, and most of Saturday, I kept catching my reflection in glass and mirrors, and literally jumping because I didn't recognize myself. And my hair was already pretty short. This was akin only to when I very first cut off my ass-length locks into a shorty-McShort-tousled-mop. But I like it. I nearly dyed it too, actually. Except I was afraid that when it finally wore off/washed out, my hair would have magically turned grey underneath. That scared the crap out of me, so I didn't do it.

The whole drama thing about being too old to have a family has been weighing heavy on my mind. It's made me feel really old, where I never did before. I was always somewhat hopeful (expectant?) that things would just fall into place for me when the time was right. That I'd meet somebody wonderful, who loved me more than air, and we'd marry, have a family, and live happily ever after. Now? I think about how old I am. And that my best friend is a guy, and that my day-to-day girlfriends are all kids. And it makes me melancholy.

I'm reticent to discuss it, as I don't relish the idea of being 'that girl'. I don't want to be the woman that dwells on getting married. (I want to someday.) I don't want to be the woman that is obsessed with babies. But I want them both. And in order for that to happen, it has to happen soon. Which would mean me getting 'out there' and actively pursuing a husband. Which is so completely and totally contradictory to how I want things to happen. Not to mention, it's just creepy and sinister and CALCULATED. It makes me anxious just thinking about it, so I've mostly been acknowledging that I'm confused, then pushing it aside. I'm not pretending the worries aren't there, just deciding to not dwell on them for the time being.

Finally, (you thought we'd never get here, didn't you?) I'm getting a new room-mate. It's one of the guys that I work with at the store. He seems like a nice enough kid. He's very discrete in talking about his living arrangements. He's not super-social with the gang at work, so I don't have to worry about having dozens of crazy work-related people in my apartment. I don't think I have to worry about him running his mouth telling people secrets about my social life (as non-existent as it may be). I'm really looking forward to having his cash. It'll take the pressure off a bit and allow me to cultivate an actual social life for the remainder of the summer; as well as helping me to pay off a couple of debts in a very speedy way. That will reduce my stress levels considerably. He's a nice guy. I hope we get along. I'm sure we will. I'll make it happen. *grin*

Okay folks, that's it for tonight. It's now almost 2 a.m. and I've been typing pretty much non-stop for well over an hour. It's time for bed. G'night!

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4 Comments:

  • Feel free to poke me! I may even make you a friend.

    By Blogger -LGirl-, At Tue Jul 31, 06:13:00 pm  

  • holy post, batman!

    By Blogger chRistine, At Wed Aug 01, 08:22:00 am  

  • It's amazing that for as much as you are valued at your workplace, the offer of a raise never was brought up to ensure keeping you. Not that money fixes situation, but at least you would feel somewhat more valued and motivated.

    By Blogger Sean, At Thu Aug 02, 12:31:00 am  

  • My immediate supervisor can't control money--not at my level anyway. And even so? That's really not my issue. It wouldn't even tide me over. My issues are more internal process concerns. Nothing that actually paying attention to the associates wouldn't solve--or at least make tolerable--but cash is not even a concern at this point.

    Well...it is...thus the roomie...but not as pertains to job satisfaction at the moment. :)

    By Blogger canadian sadie, At Thu Aug 02, 06:49:00 pm  

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