{screeeeech}

...is this thing on?

Several things.

Thing the first, Happy New Year!

Thing the second; this is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long, time. Anybody who actually SAW this speech, knows exactly how accurate it is. "-Jesus, watching Drew Barrymore give a speech is like watching a meth addict on a unicycle." (from HERE)

Thing the third; I'm moving in 2 weeks, and I've never been happier about a move in my life. Even when I was delusionally cheerful in anticipation of the move that would eventually send me into a spiral of depression, sadness, and career suicide. This time, it's because I'm moving from a teeny-tiny apartment (read: closet) into a 3-bedroom apartment which has FOUR separate closets as well as more than 18" of available counter space! And did I mention the upper cabinets in the kitchen? And that my plates no longer need to live on the top of my dresser? Yee-haw. That's all I have to say about THAT.

Thing the fourth; I got screwed over today by the girl who was going to be my room-mate at the new place. I had agreed to a roomie in order to bail her sorry butt out of a sticky situation. Then I got used to the idea of having a roomie (can we say Cheaper Rent? I knew you could!) and was actually looking forward to it. I KNOW. So today, she calls me to say "hey, going to stay here with my folks for a few more months before I move back in with the boyfriend I called you to save me from". {mutter}

Thing the fifth; I have, quite literally, thought about blogging every single day for at least the last 4 weeks. And yet, somehow, managed to not even attempt it. Twice, when opening my Bloglines, the computer managed to open my blogger homepage instead. And I managed to mutter under my breath, look guiltily away, and re-enter 'blo' in my navigator bar in order to find an escape hatch before anybody noticed I was avoiding them. I don't know why.

I read at least 50 blog posts a day, sometimes more. And yet I can't find the time or energy to create one myself. Even when I have things to say and I know I'll feel better if I spew them into the ether. (Also, my typing skills appear to have suffered as a result of the prolonged hiatus. Who'da thunk it?)

My job is the same...mundane. Ho-hum. Unchallenging. I have resolved to myself to apply for a minimum of 6 new jobs this calendar year, and to interview and receive at least one of them. That doesn't mean I have to GET a new job, but rather be offered one. Which involves interviewing. Ideally, it would be a job that I would like, enjoy, and grow to love. However, I'm equally fine with it being Chief Door Scowler at Walmart(I believe the official title is 'Greeter'.) I just have not interviewed for a RealJob^TM in 12 years, and that was for a part-time cashier position while I was at University, and I know that I need the practice so that I can achieve my ultimate goal of World Domination. I mean gainful, challenging employment.*

*If anybody can teach me the easy way to do an overstrike without having to memorize tricky HTML code, I'd be eternally grateful. Well, maybe not eternally grateful, but at least 3 weeks worth of grateful.

My dog is amazing. I can't wait to move so that he can have some space to himself, instead of his always having to be exactly where ever the heck I am. I.e. 3" behind my left ankle. Or in front of me when I'm trying to go somewhere. Or laying in front of the stove while I try to cook supper. Oh yes, he'll have HIS OWN ROOM. Not that I expect him to hang out in it, but MAN is it going to be good to have some extra space again.

The dog is the only thing that has gotten me out of bed some mornings. And even then, I still feel guilty that I make him wait for me so he can have a walk. He should be getting more exercise, as should I. But I'm not. And last Saturday (2 ago, I worked this one) I slept for 12 hours straight. When I had laid down for a 15 minute nap. So yeah. Things ain't completely right in Whoville.

I am actually concerned enough to make a doctor's appointment for this week, as I've also felt muscle twitches in my chest. Not spasms or anything like that, but more of a skin-twitch. But it's WEIRD. And while not unpleasant, per se, rather unusual. So yeah. I'll be doing something about these things this week.

I had one hell of a cold last week, misery and snot abounded. Preceded by an inordinate number (odd thought, that. How does one get an inordinate ordinal? Probably from a non-gambling cardinal.) of headaches. I don't generally get headaches, so I really noticed them. All in the week after New Year's. Like I said, odd. But meh. No biggie.

Billy quit smoking--and I'm so proud of him. I know it's damned near impossible for him, as he's been doing it so long. And the boredom and depression make it an extra difficult challenge. I'm SO proud of him.

DD is good--still living too far away. The Child is apparently doing well at school, but is still reluctant to leave the house. He turned 16 at the beginning of December and took the morning off to get his beginner's permit. He then proceeded to not ask to drive for over a month. His father kept trying to goad him into driving, and The Child kept coming up with reasons that he shouldn't. I suggested DD should leave the kid the fuck alone, and he'd come around on his own.

I was correct.

(See how that warranted its own paragraph? Yeah. I'm THAT kind of non-parent.)

However, the kid is still not driving much, and is opting to not leave the house very often. Even when the guys from school ask him to go out and do stuff. And right now, he's not even fascinated by his video games. So I suggested that this behaviour is not 100% the norm, and perhaps it was time for a friendly visit to the family doctor. Depression is a scary thing, and is a known side-effect of The Child's asthma meds. And it's not normal for 16 year old boys to avoid the opportunity to avoid their parents by hanging out at the mall and flirting with 16 year old girls. Or at least act like morons and wonder why the girls like the older boys. ;)

I wish that I'd gotten off my arse at 10:00 and started this post instead of waiting until almost 1 am. Because now it's damned near 2 am, and I'm pooped. Not to mention that I have to get up in 6 hours. Fwah.

Oh yes....the poor life decisions portion of this post. So after I got screwed over by the almost-but-not-quite-yet roommate, I was a bit put out. I had been contemplating my options: a) go roomie-less and enjoy the solitude and spaciousness of my new abode; b) move into the place, then advertise on Kijiji or FB for a stranger that I could lay out steel-clad rules for; or c) search for an acquaintance that I could stand for a short period of time. I hadn't come up with a solution by the time my shift was over.

I was locking up, talking to DD on the phone, and saying goodbye to everyone as they left (I'm a multi-tasker, what can I say?) when 2 of the newer associates were heading out. "G'night Sadie, G'night Sadie's Beau!" (She too, is a Sadie. What are the odds?! I refer to her as "Other-Sadie". So do her co-workers. I find it amusing.) Anyway, I'm not sure how it started out, but basically she said they may be moving back to Newfoundland. I said "HUH?!?" as they just moved here a few months ago so they could attend school.* As it turns out, their student loans are not coming through as promised. I knew OS (Other-Sadie) had been waiting a long time for hers, but as I too had waited a long, long time for mine, I figured it would eventually come through.

It didn't.

Or rather, it did, but in a much smaller number than she had first been told. They re-assessed her parents incomes, and she was given a much smaller amount based on that reassessment. Her Beau (OSB - heh) received his whole amount, but as his program is available back in NF, and hers is not, he doesn't need to be here for school. So if she doesn't come up with the cash for tuition, she's going to have to move home. And he'll go with her and go to school back on the island. (Her parents aren't in any position to help her out financially, not even by co-signing a loan or a line of credit for her.)

I know how stressed OS is about this, as I nearly starved once upon a time when I was trying to go to school here in NS. It SUCKS. I asked them, quite impetuously I might add, what their rent was, and if cheaper rent would help pay tuition. She said $800/month, which she'd told me before, but I forgot. So I said, "I'm moving in 2 weeks into a 3 bedroom, and it'll be too big for me. So if it'll help, you're welcome to move in with me there, and it would only be $500 instead. So you could stay in school."

What in sweet Jesus' name was I thinking?! I don't want one room-mate, let alone TWO.

But I also really like these 2 kids. They're sweet, and polite, and hard-working, and responsible. And I hate to see ANYBODY drop out of school when it's something they're passionate about. And OS really loves massage therapy. (I know, I know. What the hell?! But she really does love it. Not my cup of tea, but hell--it's a career, and it's a portable skill-set.)

So yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to call her to make sure she knows I mean/t it--and that I'd really rather she take me up on it than she give up on school. School's only 6 months, and I can do anything short-term. I think.

We shall see, anyway. So yeah, my big mouth was writing cheques again. Here's hoping I live to cash this one in.

On the tail end of that lovely story, I'm finally heading to bed. It's 2:11 am, and long since time I was asleep.

I've missed you, poppets. Hopefully it won't be so long again, this time around. Happy Tuesday! :)


*ridiculously overpriced private college

it's been a long week

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted; mainly because I've been doing it all week--in my head.

I was in SJ for meetings and and awards banquet on Monday and Tuesday. I won a PS3 as a door prize. That was the good part. Oh yes, and the bed at the Hilton was AMAZING. So comfy! I had a great sleep there--short though it was. Monday night we all hung out at the bar downstairs. It was nice to socialize with some old acquaintances again. It's only been a month since last time, but it was still lovely. Alas though, not much sleep.

Wednesday through Saturday I worked. I closed every day. I did not have a day off. I've been stuck in a shit-storm at work, and I don't seem to be able to get out of it. There's so much childish drama going on that I'm considering switching the job title on my business card from 'manager' to 'daycare supervisor'. I've got a couple of very 'hard manages' in terms of personalities, and I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get the best out of them and keep them happy. So far everything I've tried has NOT worked.

Friday night I went to the pub here in town to see Floyd King play. I used to see him periodically on Thirstday nights at the Celtic Corner. I was excited to go. He played songs that he had actually written himself, which he never did at the CC. He's quite a talented songwriter. My new bud Nancy came with me.

Saturday night I sat and watched some television for the first time in ages. My baby sister called me. She was loaded. She only seems to call when she's loaded. My mother told her that I was trying to get a flight home, but that I wasn't having any luck. Why my mother would do this is a mystery to me. I understand that she was excited that I was thinking about coming home for a visit and wanted to share--but Amy's 30th birthday is this Thursday. Amy wanted me to come home for it, and I absolutely cannot do it, work-wise. Amy called me all sad and depressed and DRUNK to tell me how much she misses me, and how 'absolutely tickled' she'd be to see me. And how happy she'd be. And, and, and. I know that most of it was drunken rambling--but at the same time, Mum knows how upset Amy gets about things. It would have been the smart thing to do to keep her trap shut.

I was still angry about it on Sunday, so I didn't call home yesterday to talk to my mom. I knew I'd say something about it, and that would upset my mother, who didn't mean anything by it in the first place...so it wasn't worth the battle. Blargle. Family politics.

I've been up too late reading blogs all week. I've been not sleeping worrying about work. When I'm at work I don't seem to be getting anything accomplished.

I was going to spend all day Sunday catching up on work at the store, but it stormed to beat the band in the morning. Which meant my entire day was shot, as I suffer from a chronic case of inertia. Once I'm sitting doing nothing, I continue to sit doing nothing. It was a pretty much wasted day. Except that I baked cookies. That was good.

I don't know if I had a really bad case of the Sunday blues last night, or if I'm slipping back into a funk. I think it's the latter, but I'm hoping it's the former.

I haven't been returning phone calls from people I'd love to talk to. I can't be bothered to do the simplest of tasks, even though I know they would be short and simple and then OVER. This is not unusual for me, but it's lasting a lot longer than usual. I'm a person who has to function under the 'do it now' principle. If I don't do something right when I think about it, it doesn't happen. Too many other things get in the way.

In good news, I won a book from (NSFW) The Red Sneaker Diaries. I'm very excited about it. I never win anything! Granted, I won it because I haven't had sex in longer than everyone else who entered, and Red felt sorry for me...but I'm okay with that. A pity win is still a win! And a lovely coffee-table book about sex is kind of a nice thing to win.

Sometimes I'm glad I don't have kids--I can actually leave this out on my coffe table! *laugh*

Oh well...quarter to seven, and it's going to be a VERY long day today. My new Assistant starts today, my DM will be here to talk with him, and to rag me out for various and sundry things. I should go and get a start. I hope you all have a lovely week! Wish me luck!

Ahem.

It's been a really long couple of weeks.

This past week, in particular, has been trying.

Friday I mentioned that my boss was a fuckwad. I was correct, and mostly stand by this assertion. Saturday we got into it again, and at that point I told him that I was sick and tired of being the only person on the management 'Team' of whom there were expectations. I explained that I was becoming a cranky and angry person, and that That is not Who I Am. I explained that I needed a new job.

He was surprised, shocked, and quite a bit worried. I think he was afraid I was about to quit and leave him surrounded by a herd of morons. (which would clearly be the result if I were to unceremoniously quit) I explained that I wasn't enjoying the person I was becoming, and that it was a direct result of not feeling challenged and/or fulfilled by my job. He started to tell me that I needed to 'be patient' and I cut him off. "Don't even START to use that P-word with me. I've been MORE than patient, and I'm tired of it." He mentioned the tons of opportunities coming up in the (not-so)short term.

I indicated that I needed a serious change, and I needed it soon. I explained that if I didn't have a change by September, I was going back to school.

Full-fledged panic set in--he looked horrified. "Um...full-time? Would you quit altogether, or would you still work?"

"Of course I'd still work, I have to pay for it somehow."

"um...but would you still work HERE?" The panic in his voice was palpable, but he was trying to play it cool.

"Uh--Yeah. Where else do you think I'd go? I can't afford to work at Tim Hortons. I'd only be going back part-time. I don't know. I just know that I need a change."

He was very, VERY relieved.

We talked a bit more about changes at the store. He asked if I'd be happier with different departmental responsibilities. (I would not.) He asked if simply changing stores would make a difference, or if it would just be a Band-aid. I told him the truth--that it'd probably be alright for 6 months, and then I'd be even less happy than I am now.

I really don't know what will help, but I know I'm tired.

To be fair, part of the reason that I'm particularly cheesed off this week is because of the weather. "What's that got to do with anything," you ask yourself? It's been ridiculously hot this week. It's actually been Summer for the first time all summer. And that has coincided with the full-moon. Which makes for a deadly combination of bitchiness.

People have been meaner and nastier and more horrible in the last week than I've seen in 18 years of customer service experience. I have been hollered at, and called names, and told I'm stupid more times in the last 3 days than in the last 6 months combined. And I'm tired of it.

Now? After I listen to you bitch and rant at me over something trivial? I invariably disconnect, wait for the dial-tone, and mutter "goddamned bitch. No wonder the clerk told you to wait your turn, you ignorant sow. Maybe next time you should stay the fuck home." I never used to do that. Not out loud, anyway. My associates are starting to think I'm crazy, what with all the muttering under my breath and slamming my notebook on the table.

Anyway...it's been a crazy week. Today there was a thunderstorm, and a break in the heat, and I've never been so grateful in my life. Tonight? I went a whole 3 hours without getting a complaint phone call. It was heaven. Although every time my phone rang, my whole body would tense up in anticipation.

***

Saturday after work (close shift 3 of 7 for those of you keeping score at home) I went to a party for some friends that just got married. T & B snuck off and had an incredibly intimate ceremony with only her grandparents, and their witnesses. It was lovely (according to the photos), and the party yesterday was the celebration of the nuptials. It was a BBQ event that started at 3pm. Of course, I had to work, so for me it started at almost 11.

Angela came over after work, and we went together. The original plan was to cut out after a short visit to the bonfire, and meet up with Chris and the boys downtown. Angela met a boy (well, we both did) that she thought was looking at her all night, so we stayed out in Enfield a lot longer than originally planned. It was a fun time. I was surprised that she had as much fun as she did...but she did, and we didn't end up getting home until almost 4:30 am.

I got her established when we got back, and I finally hit the hay around 5:20 am. Good times, considering I had to be up at 7:30 to go to work for 8:15. Boy was I tired.

When I got home, my computer having been left on, I checked my email and my Facebook. Dan had 'poked' me, so I poked him back. Well, he was awake, so he did it again. I poked back, then logged off. As I was laying my head on my pillow, my phone rang. (Yes...5 am.) I answered it, assuming it was Tracey in Edmonton. It was Dan-O.

Now you may have to cast your memories back a ways to remember Dan. I met him last summer at Cheers one night when I was out with Lynn and Heidi. Then we spent a little time together, and I went to a wedding with him. I also invited myself to his New Year's Eve shindig.

We've emailed a bit, but haven't spoken on the phone really, or seen one another since January 1. So he called, because I was still awake and he'd just gotten home from the bar. We chatted for about 20 minutes, and then I explained that I HAD to go to bed, since I had to get up for work. "You have to WORK tomorrow?!"

I jokingly suggested he bring me coffee the next day and check out my new haircut. (Oh yeah! I got my hairs cut! And it looks awesome! Dramatic, but awesome!)

He actually did. Which was nice of him. And quite pleasant. We visited a bit. We discussed going for a drink some time soon. (I'm not sure if either of us quite meant it...but I'm sure that neither of us quite DIDN'T mean it, so we'll see.)

Yesterday was okay, but I was exhausted. I came home, and had a bit of a snooze. I was starving and had no food--so I took myself to Steak & Stein for supper. Me and Harry Potter had a hot date. *Grin*

I was starting to get a bit of an headache on the way there, and chalked it up to just being over-tired. But through the course of supper, it got progressively worse. On the way home in the car? It turned into a full-fledged migraine. I was having a hard time driving, what with having my eyes closed and all. I barely made it home without gouging my eyes out with my VW key. (that one, because the bendy nature of the key makes digging out your brains a lot easier to accomplish...working around the nasal cavity and such)

I went to sleep at 9:05 pm...I had taken a couple of extra-strength ibuprofen and layed down to pray for absolution. I managed to get to sleep, and crashed hard until 12:40 am. I was up for an hour or so, then slept hard again until 10 am this morning. I was supposed to start work at 10 am. Oopsie.

I've been sooooo unmotivated to be punctual lately. I really do seem to be working at getting my ass fired. I need to do something positive for myself in order to shake things up. (I'm not ever going to get fired--Even in my half-assed state, I still work harder and more effectively than any other manager in my store.) I WILL fix up my resume this week on my only day off. I WILL go to the university to see what I can take that interests me. I WILL start taking steps to make some positive changes in my life. I will, also, take steps to meet new and interesting people.

I've also determined that I need some serious changes in my social life. I'm not sure I've updated enough lately for you all to notice how much more time I've been spending meeting new folks already. I've been going where I'm invited, with reckless disregard for sleep or the age of my companions. It's beginning to resemble LAST summer, and I can only see that as a good thing at this point.

One of these days, (I hope) I may even meet some new boys. Which would be good, as I'm really starting to miss having a boyfriend. I miss the physical aspects of it. I miss hanging out, and holding hands, and kissing. I really miss kissing. Not to mention sex... *wist* But I really miss the closeness of a relationship. And I miss the just spending time doing cool stuff.

This has been becoming more and more apparent to me, but really hit home last weekend. Last Sunday when Billy and I went to Peggy's Cove and for a random automotive adventure, I had such a fantastic time just chilling. It was really nice to spend it with a friend--but it was the kind of day that would have been sooooo much nicer to spend with someone I wanted to hold hands with and smooch. (yep, I'd have to say that we really ARE moving on here, boys and girls--call Guiness!)

***

Random stuff I haven't mentioned:

I got a haircut on Friday morning before work. I went extreme. I got a pixie-cut, and it's super short. I alternate quite often between 'Oh my god, it's so chic! I love it!' and 'Oh my GOD! What in the name of Vidal Sassoon were you THINKING?!' All day at work on Friday, and most of Saturday, I kept catching my reflection in glass and mirrors, and literally jumping because I didn't recognize myself. And my hair was already pretty short. This was akin only to when I very first cut off my ass-length locks into a shorty-McShort-tousled-mop. But I like it. I nearly dyed it too, actually. Except I was afraid that when it finally wore off/washed out, my hair would have magically turned grey underneath. That scared the crap out of me, so I didn't do it.

The whole drama thing about being too old to have a family has been weighing heavy on my mind. It's made me feel really old, where I never did before. I was always somewhat hopeful (expectant?) that things would just fall into place for me when the time was right. That I'd meet somebody wonderful, who loved me more than air, and we'd marry, have a family, and live happily ever after. Now? I think about how old I am. And that my best friend is a guy, and that my day-to-day girlfriends are all kids. And it makes me melancholy.

I'm reticent to discuss it, as I don't relish the idea of being 'that girl'. I don't want to be the woman that dwells on getting married. (I want to someday.) I don't want to be the woman that is obsessed with babies. But I want them both. And in order for that to happen, it has to happen soon. Which would mean me getting 'out there' and actively pursuing a husband. Which is so completely and totally contradictory to how I want things to happen. Not to mention, it's just creepy and sinister and CALCULATED. It makes me anxious just thinking about it, so I've mostly been acknowledging that I'm confused, then pushing it aside. I'm not pretending the worries aren't there, just deciding to not dwell on them for the time being.

Finally, (you thought we'd never get here, didn't you?) I'm getting a new room-mate. It's one of the guys that I work with at the store. He seems like a nice enough kid. He's very discrete in talking about his living arrangements. He's not super-social with the gang at work, so I don't have to worry about having dozens of crazy work-related people in my apartment. I don't think I have to worry about him running his mouth telling people secrets about my social life (as non-existent as it may be). I'm really looking forward to having his cash. It'll take the pressure off a bit and allow me to cultivate an actual social life for the remainder of the summer; as well as helping me to pay off a couple of debts in a very speedy way. That will reduce my stress levels considerably. He's a nice guy. I hope we get along. I'm sure we will. I'll make it happen. *grin*

Okay folks, that's it for tonight. It's now almost 2 a.m. and I've been typing pretty much non-stop for well over an hour. It's time for bed. G'night!