Cleaning house

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Weary Wednesday

Yep, I'm the queen of the creative entry title.  So sue me.
Today was a long day of public transit.  I went in to work this morning, and got caught up on all the grief that came with the DM's visit yesterday.  He was apparently not in a fantastic mood.  Particularly in my departments--which I expected, as a result of our conversation last week.  But it stinks, nonetheless.  I'm actually quite relieved that I wasn't at the store.  Which isn't the right attitude to take, but there you have it.
I left the store at 12:40 to head downtown to my eye doctor.  I arrived at the mall at 1:58.  YIKES.  My appointment was for 2:15.  I went in on time, and the actual eye exam took probably only10 minutes.  The entire glasses selection process took over an hour.  I think I found a pair that I like, and a pair that I can turn into some sunglasses.  However, a billion dollars later--and I have no glasses.  I really need to think about this.  My plan only covers the first $ I think I may have to forgo the shades, much as I'd like to thave new ones.  So at 3:30 I was ready to head back to work.  The return trip took only an hour, so things were looking up.  My shift was scheduled to be over at 5:00 pm, so it was almost not worth going back to the store.  Bleh.
I did manage to buy a new backpack today while I was waiting for my appointment.  I've been looking for just over a month now, and haven't seen anything that I liked.  Today, I found two!  I had a really tough time choosing.  So I bought both.  I'm not sure which one I'm going to keep--I'll figure it out in the morning when it's time to get ready to leave for the store.  One's a red and white Roots backpack, with 3 compartments and shoe nets on the sides.  I really like it--it's big.  This is good, because it means that I can fill it with a whole lot of crap.  I also found an over the shoulder bag in two shades of blue.  I really like it.  It's what I was looking for, but it's for the wrong shoulder.  I really enjoy hanging my bag over my right shoulder, and this bag has to sit diagonally over my left shoulder.  The real benefit of this bag, is that it is NOT big.  It is fairly moderate sized.  This is good, because it means I can't fill it with a whole lot of crap.
Decisions, decisions.
I have some shit hitting the fan this week at work, we'll see if I come out unscathed.  Nothing that's really my fault, but stuff that I'll have to step up and own nonetheless.  I've got big shoulders, it shouldn't be a real concern.  But it still stinks anticipating the fallout. 
The weather today was phenomenal, and I felt like I was playing hookey on my way to the appointment.  I got to wander downtown enjoying the sunshine.  You didn't even need a jacket today, it was so unseasonably warm.  What a lovely afternoon to not be at work.
Lisa is selling her car and buying a new Nissan X-trail.  She's offered me her Cavalier, but I think it's a bit overpriced.  I'm not sure if I want it or not.  I'm not really tired of the bus yet...but I really miss my freedom.  It's a pain in the ass being such a mooch  all the time.  I hate asking people for rides, even though they seem to be very willing.  I don't mind driving people when I have my car, but I know that sometimes it's a real pain in the ass to have to take someone home when you just want to be home yourself.  Anyway...we'll see.  I need to figure out if I can come up with the cash by Friday or not too.  There's the rub!
Ah well--time for bed.  Gotta get up and do paperwork for a couple of hours before work. 
G'night folks.   

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Terrific Tuesday.

Today was my day off, and what a lovely day it was.  The sun was out, the weather was not too cold or was just lovely.  I had a great day.
I tidied in my room a bit, and felt good about that.  Then, I bussed it downtown to wander the streets and browse the shops.  I looked at some lovely jewellery, and found a wonderful shop that sells only handbags, hats and hair bobbles.  It was fun. 
I met up at the Second Cup with a boy that I've been messaging online for a couple of weeks.  I knew going in that I wasn't interested with the boy, but I went anyway.  It never hurts to meet new people.  This time out though, it bordered on painful.  Many reasons, not only because he was 26 and painfully unaware of how poorly he was disguising his innate geekiness.  He thought he was pretty cool.  Perhaps it was his freshly grown beard that gave him this confidence.  Whatever the reason, it was an interesting experience.  I felt very much like Mrs.Robinson;  except for the fact that I had no desire whatsoever to ravish him.  In fact, just typing that last sentence made my skin crawl.
After that, I stopped in at Pete's and bought some delicious ingredients to make a new pasta dish from the new mini-cookbook that I had purchased earlier in the day.  I determined that I wasn't going to rush home and then back out to the gym, so I took a leisurely trip home en l'autobus.  I then commenced to cook myself a masterfully delicious dinner.  Best pseudo-invented dinner I've had in a looooong time.
I've done pretty much nothing else all night.  Not that there's ANYTHING wrong with that.
Chad (the accountant) called me tonight.  We chatted for about 40 minutes, and have made plans to get together on Saturday night.  He may not be Mister Right, but he can certainly fill the bill as Mister Right-Now.  That, and hey...I'm not one to turn down a free dinner and some good smoochin'.   At least HE's cute!
A homeless guy on the street today asked me for change as I walked from Pete's to the bus stop.  I said, "I don't have any cash, but I have an orange.  Would you like it?"  He said, "sure! That'd be great."  As I was rummaging through my shopping bags to find it, he asked me quite seriously--"Is it seedless?"  As though it mattered a whole lot to him that it need be seedless, and he couldn't possibly bring himself to accept a FREE orange that was replete with pits.  Which just goes to prove that beggars CAN be choosers. <*badump-ting*>
I have another tale about an homeless guy that is just begging to turn into a story, so I'm hoping to find time to write it.  But if I don't, here's where it came from.  Write your own story until  I can provide one for you.
On Sunday, when Lynn and I were going for coffee after our walk at Point Pleasant, we walked past a street beggar.  He was sitting on an overturned bucket and had a sign.  He looked to be about 25 or so years old.  He asked quite politely for change, but I had none.   (There's a distinct benefit to not carrying any cash--at least I don't have to lie to the street urchins.)  He had a hand lettered sign on a piece of cardboard--you could tell he had made it himself in his more prosperous days--the days when he could afford a magic marker.  His sign was lettered as such:
I nearly burst out laughing aloud.  He was one of the city's unfortunate--but he wasn't without an was just ugly.  He was one of the multitude of homelies in downtown Halifax.  *snicker*  Still makes me giggle.  Perhaps he was taking up a collection with which to procure some plastic surgery.  Or in the interim, a paper bag.  *snort*
Anyway.  On that note, goodnight folks.  Happy Tuesday.  I know mine was.    

Monday, March 27, 2006

Whee :) I caved in tonight and phoned the boy again. I left him a voicemail message. I didn't intend to, but the machine picked up so quickly that I had to.

"Hi there...I'm calling for H__. It's Sadie calling. It's 10 after 10..I'm going to be up for a while, so if you get this message, give me a call at 555-CUTE. I'll look forward to hearing from you."

So I was happy with myself for leaving a message that didn't sound as moronic as it could have. But I was frustrated that I wasted my second phone call on the machine again. But more proud than upset. I was prepared to let it go--I've invested two calls, now it's out of my hands.

About 2 minutes later--when I was IMing a friend to tell her about my fit of courage--the phone rang. ARGH! So I answered it...a bundle of nerves and trepidation.

"Hello, Sadie?"
"Yes, it's me."
"It's Robert, H__'s roommate."
"I am calling because I had to tell you that I'm really sorry but I accidentally erased your message before. And I had no way to get a hold of you."
"Uh... That's okay."
"I just wanted you to know. H__ will be glad you called. He's out of town right now, but when he comes back, he'll be sure to call you."
"Um...thanks. I appreciate your calling to let me know."
"I just didn't want you to worry about him. He'll be really glad you called. He'll call you for sure when he gets home. I don't know his schedule, but I know he'll call you."
" Uh, okay. Thanks again. :) "

So...Hurrah! :) Now...if I could only figure out what his schedule is! :)

I feel so much less stressed out about this now. I also feel much less stupid and silly for obsessing about someone that I'd pretty much convinced myself wasn't interested. He may still not be, but somehow I doubt it. A GUY's roomie wouldn't trip over himself to save things with some girl that his buddy wasn't interested in. Well, I don't think so anyway. :) So. There. :)

I really AM amazing, it's not just hype. Now, if I can only stay sane until he gets back to town! *laugh* Happy Monday post-bonanza.

500 visits

My 500th visit on my sitemeter--someone looking for Loblaw's birthday cakes. Pip-pip-wheee. Makes me feel so popular!


So I have started several posts this week, and I have completed none.  In fact, it’s been almost two weeks since I gave you a real post.  Why?  Because.


I’ve had so much turmoil going on inside my head that I have been too busy to even write it down.  And writing it down usually helps!


I have become obsessed with a boy.  A boy that I haven’t even really told you about!  (He’s adorable—reference 2 posts ago if you doubt this.)


I have made some serious life decisions.  I have had some revelatory meetings and discussions with people at work that can control my destiny.  I am feeling pretty good about my life in general—things are looking up.


I’ve begun to open up to people about my private life.  I’ve told 4 or 5 people about my obsession with this boy.  I haven’t done that since I was in elementary school—in my experience, these things always backfire.  But I’ve done it, nonetheless.  I’m still feeling pretty good about it, and I’m hoping that it all works out for the best.


But because I’ve been talking about it in Real Life, and messaging friends that I talk to all the time about it (Hi Rob!), I haven’t really felt much like posting the gory details here.  And that’s just plain wrong.  Why?  Because this is MY journal.  Much as you are all welcome to read it, and much as I enjoy hearing your comments and observations regarding my rather mundane existence, it’s still for all intents and purposes MY diary. 


I’ve done much better here than I ever have before at consistently entering my daily events and feelings.  I’m not so good at diary keeping.  I read somewhere once (and I cling to this!) that diaries are for people that think—people that DO are far too busy to write it down.  I choose to believe I’m too busy having fun to write things down.


But I have a terrible memory.  People, who know me well, are WELL aware of this.  If things don’t get written down, they don’t get done.  And that’s a bad thing for someone who can’t reliably keep a diary.  I hold onto my old day-planners so that I can look back and see what was going on in my life 4 years ago.  Without that tangible tool, I don’t have a clue what was happening to me in 2002.  I also would have NO CLUE as to what city I was living in, or where I was working.  My memory is just that bad.


So I will henceforth endeavour to be more reliable about posting my shite.  I need to be able to look back and see where I was in my life.  I love having this tool.  I enjoy having the feedback of (not-so) strangers.  It is the most unbiased and objective type of input a girl could hope for.  And I don’t really mind being a little embarrassed in front of you all, because I know that I don’t have to face you tomorrow in the lunchroom.  And that even if you ARE judging me a little bit, I can live with that…because I asked for it.


I’m posting from work right now, because posting from home has become somewhat of an ordeal.  I hate confrontations.  I avoid starting them at all costs, for the most part.  I deal with them all the time at work, and I’m not afraid to start something in public, but in my private life?  Never a confrontation I couldn’t manage to avoid for months on end.  Granted, this never makes things better—I just stew over it day after day and become more angry and embittered…but that’s life. J


Perhaps later I’ll tell you all about my current boy-crush.  You can give me tips on whether or not it’s okay to call him until he answers.  I know that it’s not really cool, but at the same time…I’m 34 freaking years old and I have a crush like a 10 year old.  Remember when you used to call the boy you like and either crank-call or just hang up 27 times a night?  Back in the olden days, before call display!  Or when you used to ride your bike past the house of the boy you liked over and over and over again all day on Saturday, in hopes (and terror!) that he might actually be out on the front porch one time and you’d get to say ‘hello’ to him as you pedalled fast away?  Those were the days.


I’m wanting to do that now.  I want to phone and phone and phone until he realizes that he thinks I’m as amazing as I truly am (and humble too!) and can’t live another second without me.


Wow…if I’m this infatuated after only dinner, imagine what I’ll be like if we ever actually KISS?!  (He may be a terrible kisser—that would work wonders for putting an end to this teenage angst-ridden infatuation bullshit.  Here’s hoping—I really don’t like being a messy bundle of tense emotions!)


Anyway…time to get back to work. 





p.s. Could I possibly start any more paragraphs with prepositions and conjunctives?  Not freaking likely.

Sunday, March 26, 2006


I've got a crush on you.

I met you at the Lower Deck on St.Patrick's day.  You held my hand.  You lied about your name and your job.  Yet, I still gave you a chance.  You took me to dinner the next day.  We laughed and chatted for several hours.

I enjoyed it like crazy.  I developed a crush.  (A MONSTER crush.)  I waited 3 excruciating days to call you.  I left a message.  It's now been 7 days...and my phone hasn't rung yet.
I'm obsessed with you.  I think you're freaking hilarious, and incredibly attractive.  I've got a crush on you.  Why haven't you called?  Please call me...even to tell me you DON'T like me...because then I would know. 
I think we could have a lot of fun together.  And I really want to find out if you're a good kisser...because I think that you and I?  We'd be amazing

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Hee hee.

My favourite game.

Insert Clever Title Here

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to you!

Well, yesterday...but I was out, so I couldn't wish you the wishes then.

Heidi and Joanne and I went down to my Happy Place for the evening. We didn't even have to stand in line that long, which is amazing, all things considered. It was ridiculously packed with a whole bunch of little kids. (By little kids, I mean 19 year olds, not 7 year olds. But they might as well be the same thing when I'm at a bar, because quite frankly, they're just as irritating.)

Heidi bailed on us after about an hour. She said she had a stomach ache, but I'm 90% sure she went to the Pogue to meet up with her roommate/boyfriend. Joanne and I had a great time. We met a lovely boy who has the most beautiful laugh. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. So, for the second time in as many weeks, I've met a new boy. I didn't kiss this one, though. Although he is so much more my type. Adorable. You just want to squeeze his little cheeks until it hurts.


Time delay has caused this post to be truncated. There is more. Then, there is follow-up. Then , there is confusion and disappointment. Much like a day at the mall when you have money to spend and you can't find any jeans that fit right.

More tomorrow when I'm not so freaking tired. :)

Needless to say (or perhaps not?) I am scuffed, but not scathed. Shaken, but most certainly not stirred. That, and just plain freaking awesome. I amaze me sometimes, with how overall awesome I am. Carry on.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Whee. :)

So tonight I had a date.

Chad and I were supposed to hook up on Tuesday night, but I had to work a close shift. So tonight we met up for dinner.

It was fun. I had a date. I've only ever had 2 dates in my life, so it was neat. Generally, you just meet somebody and things just start to happen and before you know it you're dating. It's all very simple. But tonight, it was a prearranged plan. And it went fairly well.

He's still interesting, which is nice. He's much shorter than I usually like, but I could get used to that. The conversation was good--we talked all through supper, he brought me home. I invited him in for coffee. I made him coffee. I had hot water. (relax, I LIKE hot water--I didn't want tea. HONEST.) We talked more. He talked about money a LOT. I don't really like that much, as it doesn't matter to me so much. I know you'd never be able to tell by how much I obsess about not having any...but that's a topic for another time.

So we smooched a little bit at the door, and that was nice. Just before that we had been talking about what plans we had for tomorrow. I indicated that Heidi and I were planning to hit the Lower Deck. He was planning to go to the Celtic Corner (in Dartmouth, across the street from his house). He then suggested that most of his buddies would be out in downtown Halifax tomorrow and that he might be interested in joining up with Heidi and I. He gave me his cell number and said to call him if we ended up going out and he'd meet up with us. So...I guess that means he's interested. :)

If he was looking for an easy bar-chick, I think he found out tonight that I ain't that girl. I get the distinct impression from his conversation that he still has some growing up to do--that he's still really focussed on bars and drinking and going out. Well, I guess I'm one to talk, since I've been out every weekend for a month....but that's not the point. :) I think he's quite a bit more 'experienced' than I am and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Actually, I am sure. I'm icked out by it.

But, I can't judge him for being prepared to mess around with a girl he met in a bar, because that girl was me. I just don't like to think of people doing that with OTHER girls...because, quite frankly, other girls are whores. :) But I bet they have more fun. :) Ah well, self-respect comes with a steep price-tag sometimes. But nobody wants to be the slore* next door.

*Slore: combination slut/whore. Girls who are trampy, yet vomitously dirty at the same time. Not just getting around and being slutty. Not just being a cootie-ridden and dirty whore. It's much more than that. She's a slore.

My throat is still very sore. My cough that I picked up in Moncton last Friday has not gotten better. In fact, it's gotten worse. I sound like I'm dying of tuberculosis. And I may very well be. My voice is all husky and raw. Someone at work suggested I should cut my album this week so that I have the sexy voice to do it with. I suggested they kindly fuck off. I then proceeded to cough for almost 5 minutes straight. It sucks trying to be saucy and getting told by your body to suck it up and be nicer to the dumb animals.

I have been messengering a boy that I met online. And by boy, I mean boy. He's 26. I'm not interested in dating him, but he's fun to play with. It's interesting to see little kids trying to swim with the big fish. I don't know enough yet about the kid to know if we'll be friends or not. Here's hoping, he's funny.

So I've actually accomplished one of my two new year's goals this year already. My goal was to be more open to possibility and to opportunity. I have been bold, and daring, and have not slammed the door in the face of fate. I have had a heck of a lot of fun, and I'm pretty pleased about it overall. I'm very proud of me. :)

I didn't talk much about the road trip, and I didn't tell you anything yet about the conversation I had with Scott yesterday about my future with the company. I had a really very good chat with him, and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, because I'm too tired and coughed out tonight.

Night folks.

Monday, March 13, 2006


Hello strangers. And friends who are strange. And those of you who I don't know well enough to call names. Welcome.

So...sorry. I was AWOL again.

To the average outsider, it would appear that I was busy having a life. And you know, they're not so far from the truth. I have had a really rather fun week. Tiring, sickly, but fun.

I closed the store on Monday and Tuesday, so the days were long and pretty much shot. Wednesday, I left from the store to go to Moncton for a training seminar for work. It was a coaching seminar, and it was REALLY a great course. It was a lot of fun, and role-plays, which I usually hate, were a hoot.

I met some really fantastic people from other stores, and really hit it off with the Assistant Manager from our store in PEI. He's a load of fun--and as he's only been with the company for a year, his views on things were really useful to me. And my gossip connections were useful to him. *Grin* The other two folks from PEI were awesome too. I really enjoyed myself. I also met somebody from our Newfoundland location, and he was a hoot. We travelled together in the car on Wednesday and Friday night, so we had a lot of fun.

I got home from Moncton late on Friday night, slept, repacked and headed to the store for 6:30 am. I had to open. I had started feeling sick and hoarse on Friday in the car on the drive home, and Saturday it was full-fledged. I went in to the store, and returned Scott's car. We walked the salesfloor, decided on some tasks for the day, and were in mid-conversation about something. Scott turned to say something to someone else. I was suddenly overcome with nausea. I bolted.

I called him from the bathroom. "I need to go home now." "Why? What's up?" "My breakfast."

So I left. I felt better within a couple of hours, and was able to allow myself to give in to the persuasion of the girls I was supposed to be road-tripping with. We went to Fredericton.

The reason for the roadtrip was Leana's and Heather's combined birthday celebrations. What a freaking hoot that was. It was my first all-girl road trip, and we had such a blast. There was catty backstabbing, pretentious self-admiration and self-aggrandizement, there was silliness, sexiness, and even mad-intelligence. We rocked. We rocked out.

We got a 1/2 price hotel room. Because I'm the queen of disorganization, that's why. I so rock.

We were about to leave the hotel room and check out, when I did my patented 'last look around' routine. I was down on my hands and knees to check under the bed for lost socks, and I flipped back the bedspread. Imagine my surprise (and disgust) when I spotted a used condom. Yes, you read that right. A USED CONDOM. And before you ask, we were 4 girls in one did NOT belong to us.

I made the others look at it. We took its photo. (I'll post it tomorrow if Leana can get the photos uploaded from her digital camera--it broke during our final 'on-the-road-photo-shoot'.) We then went to the front desk and lodged a complaint. Well, Lynn and Leana did. I stayed in the car. I get enough people complaining to me about stuff that REALLY, not such a big deal. Gross, yes. Funny? Damn straight. But it's not like we found it stuck to our socks. Anyway, Lynn managed to get us 1/2 off our room without being bitchy, so I was very pleased.

Our entire weekend away (sans alcohol--that brings up the cost more than I care to say) was super-cheap: $25.00 each for gas, and $12.50 each for hotel. I spent $20 for my supper on Saturday night, and $10 for breakfast on Sunday. So....a cheap weekend away, but a VERY pricy weekend when you include EVERYTHING. *grin*

Good times.

And it got better. The road part of the road-trip, was by far and away the best part. We joked and laughed and giggled. We laughed so hard we cried. Several times. It was fun.

I got home from my Moncton trip on Friday night, and found a message saved on the phone. Chad called me on Wednesday. I called him back on Sunday evening. We chatted for about 45 minutes. It was interesting. We talked about jobs, relationships, the fact that all our friends are married. How we react when other people ask why we're not married. We talked about the average length of our relationships. (His are all long-term too.) It was interesting. And surreal, a little bit.

I guess I'm just not sure about this whole 'grown-up dating' thing is supposed to work. I've never asked/discussed such probing questions before I even go out with someone. Although, I guess once you've sucked face you have a bit of a connection.

We were going to hook up for dinner and a movie tomorrow night, but I have to work, so it may be Wednesday. I'll keep you posted.

So I've been a busy bee. It's been great. But now we're back to the grind...I moved about 6 boxes of crap out of my bedroom on Sunday night, and I tidied up and packed some clothes that I'm giving away. The Big Brothers/Big Sisters van will be overjoyed. At least, I hope so.

And now, I'm beat. It's time for bed. I may post some photos once Leana gets them uploaded. But I may not. We'll see. I'm not sure how I feel about posting photos of me. And I don't want to post photos of other people without asking first.

I may have to resort to Buckley's tomorrow. I'd go back to the doctor for drugs, but I still don't have my new health card, and frankly, I just don't want to deal with the 3rd degree about my citizenship. It's too much hassle. But if I'm still sick in two weeks when my new card arrives, you can bet I'll be right at the doors when they open! I'm tired of being sick. And right now? This not breathing, sore throat, phlegm-hacking coughing routine--wearing a little thin.

Night folks. WAIT!!! A photo to celebrate Saint Boozeaholic's Day on Friday. We should ALL be celebrating, not just Rob. Enjoy.

Sunday, March 05, 2006


Haven't you always wanted one of these?!

It'd be the freaking coolest. I really liked the chair with the tube slide. It's like having an ejector seat, only sneakier!

This is an old post, but I went back to re-read it tonight, and I still support Rick. And not just because I had large quantities of the deliciously malty beverage last evening.

Which brings us to Saturday night. I wasn't going to go out. I was going to stay home and rag on my roomie for being a deadbeat loser who has not as of yet paid his March rent.* Luckily for me, Heidi twisted my rubber arm by uttering the magical phrase. "Lower Deck". It's my happy place, as many of you are already aware.

*He gets paid tomorrow, and has promised that it will be paid promptly upon receipt of said cheque. We shall see. I need to be much more of a bitch about this. It's causing me huge stress, and I can't live with that. The whole point to having a roomie was to make my life EASIER, financially speaking at least

So...We went out. And a blast was had. Lots of beer was drunk. I nearly kicked the crap out of some married guy who kept putting his arm around me. I removed it several times, quite politely, but very firmly making it clear that I didn't like being touched. He suggested I was weird. And that I just didn't know that I liked it. I made it very clear that I wasn't cool with that. I suggested that I had an allergy to wedding rings. He made a point of letting me know "You're not all that." "I'm well aware of that." "Well. Then. Because you're not!" "We're agreed then. And since I'm NOT all that, you won't mind fucking off and leaving me alone now." Went over well, I'm sure you'll understand.

His buddies were very nice, but he was an ass. The single one (Chad--he comes back into the story later) took him aside and explained that he was being an asshole and that he should stop. "You're out of control, buddy. Cool it." Drunk guy did not cool it. In fact, another girl had him kicked out.

So. Back to Chad. Not usually my type. But he was cute, and I was loaded. And my only resolution for this year was to be more adventurous and to worry less about other people's perceptions of me. (Or what I THINK they think of me anyway!) I kissed my second man in a bar ever.

The first, was also at The Lower Deck. It was my birthday when I turned 29. We were out celebrating quite vigorously, as I wasn't sure I was going to want to celebrate the next year, and it was an evening of firsts. After the second pitcher drinking contest, I met a bunch of sailors(the Navy kind). I picked a rather attractive one, and stated boldly "You know, I've never kissed a sailor before." He asked if I'd like to rectify that, and so I did. It was fun.

Last night, was the second. It wasn't full-on snogging or anything like that, but I did smooch a stranger in a public place. It was quite lovely, so I was overly pleased with myself. It's an highly un-Sadie thing to do. It's nice to have a friend to go out with that doesn't have a preconceived notion of who you are,; it makes these breaches in judgment much easier to live with *grin*.

After the Lower Deck closed, we went upstairs to the taproom and danced up a storm. Chad's friends all went home to their families, and he came up to dance with Heidi and I. We had another beverage (highly unnecessary at this point in the evening), and danced like demons. This is when the smooch happened. Then there was much more dancing. Fun times.

We all took a cab back to Heidi's place. Her roomie/boyfriend/ex-beau was out of town, so there was plenty of room for crashing. I was supposed to have Rob's room, but spent most of the evening making out on the couch instead. It was fun. And although I'm a bold smoocher with mad skillz, it's nice for me to be able to say I'm still an uptight prude about strangers.

So. Fun was had, beer was drunk, booties were shaken, egos were stroked, and smooching was smooched. Fun. :)

One of the best things about it, other than my break from my senses, is the boost it gave my ego. I don't feel like a bar-slut (because I'm definitely not). I met a really nice guy with a decent job and the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation. (We debated the commercial viability of retail lumberyards versus the traditional sort. I'd like to do that again when I'm not loaded.)

When I was with Luke, compliments came few and far between. I came out of that relationship really questioning my 'presence'. I hadn't had the validation of 'you're pretty', 'you're sexy', or even 'I really like you'. That was missing in my primary relationship for over a year. That's just plain WRONG. Last night, I met someone who didn't mind telling me that he thought I was, indeed, all that. It was refreshingly nice.

I know it sounds shallow, but I really liked having that validation. I know I don't look like I got hit in the face with a shovel. I know I've had a lot of attention in the past because I'm fairly symmetrical. I've been told on occasion that men are intimidated by me (boggles the mind, really). But...I need the external validation. I know it's wrong, but there it is. And yesterday, I got it.

Maybe if I'd heard that a bit more when I cut my hair, I wouldn't be so fired up to grow it back again. Because, frankly, it was a hot little haircut and I loved it. But because every man I know told me "Why'd you cut it? You had such beautiful hair!" and because no strangers ever even gave me the time of day, I felt very unattractive. And I felt so unsexy, that I need to grow it back, no matter how much better it looks short! :) Yep, shallow, that's me.

Anyway...This is enough babbling about things that I usually don't tell people about for one night. And I promise that this blog will not become 'the misadventures of Sadie' any time soon. You will not hear many more tales of smooching strangers--I don't intend to change my personality completely! And the full-disclosure bit? I really don't think I could keep it up if I tried. I'm naturally secretive and reserved. And I kinda like it that way. It's much safer. :)