Wow.

This DOES still work.

Someone made an actual legit comment on an old post this afternoon and it came through to me. Which brought me back to the blog to read...which made me wistful.  Which brought me here.

So...what's new with you?

The Year of Sadie

My big goal for this year, I balk at the term 'resolution', is to do more for Me.

It's going to be a year for personal growth and development. It's going to be a year of transformation and change. It's going to be a good year.

This year already, I have signed up for a DietBet, started eating better, kept running-even in the snow, committed myself to systematic giving, and now--Boot Camp.

It's online, through Flylady. I've never done one before, so why not start now?

I was hesitant about the cost. First, I've never done a boot camp before. Second, online? Really? Where's the accountability in that? But...life, and commitment are what you make of them. And if I have time to watch TV, I have time to exercise.

I have committed to running the Bluenose 10Km in May, after teaching myself how to run last summer for the Run for The Cure. After 40 years of HATING running, mainly because I couldn't do it, I ran a whole 5K and lived to tell the tale. What's more, I discovered that I actually ENJOY running and the feeling I get when I stop. So...while I'm not as consistent as I'd like yet; I eventually bought the fancy reflective pants and now actually tell people that "I run".

I am slightly overweight, what we all would call 'average' these days. Nothing I've ever really been concerned about, certainly not concerned enough to diet over. But I DO want to be more healthy. My mother is one of the most Fit people I've ever met. She's 63 years old. I am 41, and until this year couldn't jog a block to chase the bus without passing out. Who doesn't want to be more fit than a retiree? Exactly.

I've also bought a Groupon for a resume consultation service. Since it was on my list to do this spring, it seemed fortuitous to purchase one for 60% off list. We shall see. If it's not as productive as I'm hoping it will be, at least I only paid $67 instead of $250.

I declare this year, the Year of Sadie, officially open for business.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Dance Party

Ain't no party like a Thirstday Dance Party.







Happy day, folks. :) 

{screeeeech}

...is this thing on?

Several things.

Thing the first, Happy New Year!

Thing the second; this is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long, time. Anybody who actually SAW this speech, knows exactly how accurate it is. "-Jesus, watching Drew Barrymore give a speech is like watching a meth addict on a unicycle." (from HERE)

Thing the third; I'm moving in 2 weeks, and I've never been happier about a move in my life. Even when I was delusionally cheerful in anticipation of the move that would eventually send me into a spiral of depression, sadness, and career suicide. This time, it's because I'm moving from a teeny-tiny apartment (read: closet) into a 3-bedroom apartment which has FOUR separate closets as well as more than 18" of available counter space! And did I mention the upper cabinets in the kitchen? And that my plates no longer need to live on the top of my dresser? Yee-haw. That's all I have to say about THAT.

Thing the fourth; I got screwed over today by the girl who was going to be my room-mate at the new place. I had agreed to a roomie in order to bail her sorry butt out of a sticky situation. Then I got used to the idea of having a roomie (can we say Cheaper Rent? I knew you could!) and was actually looking forward to it. I KNOW. So today, she calls me to say "hey, going to stay here with my folks for a few more months before I move back in with the boyfriend I called you to save me from". {mutter}

Thing the fifth; I have, quite literally, thought about blogging every single day for at least the last 4 weeks. And yet, somehow, managed to not even attempt it. Twice, when opening my Bloglines, the computer managed to open my blogger homepage instead. And I managed to mutter under my breath, look guiltily away, and re-enter 'blo' in my navigator bar in order to find an escape hatch before anybody noticed I was avoiding them. I don't know why.

I read at least 50 blog posts a day, sometimes more. And yet I can't find the time or energy to create one myself. Even when I have things to say and I know I'll feel better if I spew them into the ether. (Also, my typing skills appear to have suffered as a result of the prolonged hiatus. Who'da thunk it?)

My job is the same...mundane. Ho-hum. Unchallenging. I have resolved to myself to apply for a minimum of 6 new jobs this calendar year, and to interview and receive at least one of them. That doesn't mean I have to GET a new job, but rather be offered one. Which involves interviewing. Ideally, it would be a job that I would like, enjoy, and grow to love. However, I'm equally fine with it being Chief Door Scowler at Walmart(I believe the official title is 'Greeter'.) I just have not interviewed for a RealJob^TM in 12 years, and that was for a part-time cashier position while I was at University, and I know that I need the practice so that I can achieve my ultimate goal of World Domination. I mean gainful, challenging employment.*

*If anybody can teach me the easy way to do an overstrike without having to memorize tricky HTML code, I'd be eternally grateful. Well, maybe not eternally grateful, but at least 3 weeks worth of grateful.

My dog is amazing. I can't wait to move so that he can have some space to himself, instead of his always having to be exactly where ever the heck I am. I.e. 3" behind my left ankle. Or in front of me when I'm trying to go somewhere. Or laying in front of the stove while I try to cook supper. Oh yes, he'll have HIS OWN ROOM. Not that I expect him to hang out in it, but MAN is it going to be good to have some extra space again.

The dog is the only thing that has gotten me out of bed some mornings. And even then, I still feel guilty that I make him wait for me so he can have a walk. He should be getting more exercise, as should I. But I'm not. And last Saturday (2 ago, I worked this one) I slept for 12 hours straight. When I had laid down for a 15 minute nap. So yeah. Things ain't completely right in Whoville.

I am actually concerned enough to make a doctor's appointment for this week, as I've also felt muscle twitches in my chest. Not spasms or anything like that, but more of a skin-twitch. But it's WEIRD. And while not unpleasant, per se, rather unusual. So yeah. I'll be doing something about these things this week.

I had one hell of a cold last week, misery and snot abounded. Preceded by an inordinate number (odd thought, that. How does one get an inordinate ordinal? Probably from a non-gambling cardinal.) of headaches. I don't generally get headaches, so I really noticed them. All in the week after New Year's. Like I said, odd. But meh. No biggie.

Billy quit smoking--and I'm so proud of him. I know it's damned near impossible for him, as he's been doing it so long. And the boredom and depression make it an extra difficult challenge. I'm SO proud of him.

DD is good--still living too far away. The Child is apparently doing well at school, but is still reluctant to leave the house. He turned 16 at the beginning of December and took the morning off to get his beginner's permit. He then proceeded to not ask to drive for over a month. His father kept trying to goad him into driving, and The Child kept coming up with reasons that he shouldn't. I suggested DD should leave the kid the fuck alone, and he'd come around on his own.

I was correct.

(See how that warranted its own paragraph? Yeah. I'm THAT kind of non-parent.)

However, the kid is still not driving much, and is opting to not leave the house very often. Even when the guys from school ask him to go out and do stuff. And right now, he's not even fascinated by his video games. So I suggested that this behaviour is not 100% the norm, and perhaps it was time for a friendly visit to the family doctor. Depression is a scary thing, and is a known side-effect of The Child's asthma meds. And it's not normal for 16 year old boys to avoid the opportunity to avoid their parents by hanging out at the mall and flirting with 16 year old girls. Or at least act like morons and wonder why the girls like the older boys. ;)

I wish that I'd gotten off my arse at 10:00 and started this post instead of waiting until almost 1 am. Because now it's damned near 2 am, and I'm pooped. Not to mention that I have to get up in 6 hours. Fwah.

Oh yes....the poor life decisions portion of this post. So after I got screwed over by the almost-but-not-quite-yet roommate, I was a bit put out. I had been contemplating my options: a) go roomie-less and enjoy the solitude and spaciousness of my new abode; b) move into the place, then advertise on Kijiji or FB for a stranger that I could lay out steel-clad rules for; or c) search for an acquaintance that I could stand for a short period of time. I hadn't come up with a solution by the time my shift was over.

I was locking up, talking to DD on the phone, and saying goodbye to everyone as they left (I'm a multi-tasker, what can I say?) when 2 of the newer associates were heading out. "G'night Sadie, G'night Sadie's Beau!" (She too, is a Sadie. What are the odds?! I refer to her as "Other-Sadie". So do her co-workers. I find it amusing.) Anyway, I'm not sure how it started out, but basically she said they may be moving back to Newfoundland. I said "HUH?!?" as they just moved here a few months ago so they could attend school.* As it turns out, their student loans are not coming through as promised. I knew OS (Other-Sadie) had been waiting a long time for hers, but as I too had waited a long, long time for mine, I figured it would eventually come through.

It didn't.

Or rather, it did, but in a much smaller number than she had first been told. They re-assessed her parents incomes, and she was given a much smaller amount based on that reassessment. Her Beau (OSB - heh) received his whole amount, but as his program is available back in NF, and hers is not, he doesn't need to be here for school. So if she doesn't come up with the cash for tuition, she's going to have to move home. And he'll go with her and go to school back on the island. (Her parents aren't in any position to help her out financially, not even by co-signing a loan or a line of credit for her.)

I know how stressed OS is about this, as I nearly starved once upon a time when I was trying to go to school here in NS. It SUCKS. I asked them, quite impetuously I might add, what their rent was, and if cheaper rent would help pay tuition. She said $800/month, which she'd told me before, but I forgot. So I said, "I'm moving in 2 weeks into a 3 bedroom, and it'll be too big for me. So if it'll help, you're welcome to move in with me there, and it would only be $500 instead. So you could stay in school."

What in sweet Jesus' name was I thinking?! I don't want one room-mate, let alone TWO.

But I also really like these 2 kids. They're sweet, and polite, and hard-working, and responsible. And I hate to see ANYBODY drop out of school when it's something they're passionate about. And OS really loves massage therapy. (I know, I know. What the hell?! But she really does love it. Not my cup of tea, but hell--it's a career, and it's a portable skill-set.)

So yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to call her to make sure she knows I mean/t it--and that I'd really rather she take me up on it than she give up on school. School's only 6 months, and I can do anything short-term. I think.

We shall see, anyway. So yeah, my big mouth was writing cheques again. Here's hoping I live to cash this one in.

On the tail end of that lovely story, I'm finally heading to bed. It's 2:11 am, and long since time I was asleep.

I've missed you, poppets. Hopefully it won't be so long again, this time around. Happy Tuesday! :)


*ridiculously overpriced private college

Hmmm.

The concept of Twit*ter annoys me, and yet that seems to be how I'm blogging these days-140 characters at a time.

I've been looking half-heartedly for a new apartment as mine is too tiny for words. But now I need to get serious about it. Mainly because winter is coming, and with no entry way for shaking off/dripping the snow and rain, so the apartment will be a big sopping mess for 4 months straight. But now, because I found mould in my bathroom this morning.

When the washer fills/drains water comes up through the bathroom floor. Apparently stopping that from happening was not enough. Mould, people. I see major construction in the not so distant future. Bah.

The high-school ex (HSX) continues to message me, and while it's nice to be in touch, it's a bit odd just how MUCH he's in touch. It's funny, too, how odd a thing it is to know someone so very well with regards to their personality and behaviour and yet know nothing about their life for the last 15 years. For instance, who knew that his 'passion' was for cooking?! And he's opening a catering company on the side? Boggles me, it does.

I'm very quick to anger lately, and I don't like that. I've been frustrated and bored at work. I need to get off my butt and start looking for something different, but the motivation isn't there. So I guess that means things aren't that bad! :). I DO need a vacation, but cannot afford one right now, so that's out. I am not the type of person that can take days off and just hang out at home and come out feeling relaxed. That makes me depressed that I didn't do anything productive with my time. Anybody want to win the lottery and cut me in on the proceeds? I didn't think so. Oh well--back to the drawing board.

I've been trying to come up with some sort of plan to make money on the side myself, and I have to say I'm not doing so well with it. Well, that's not true, it's just that I require more free time than I currently have to put the plans into action.

Plan A: gluten free Christmas baking. Cookies and squares platters for people who think there's nothing for them to eat at Christmas fests. I could do this at home and put up signs at the grocery store and on Kijiji.

Plan B: event planning. I have quite a lot of experience with this, as I used to arrange and coordinate company picnics for a living. I'll plan, arrange, set up, serve at, and clean up your private event in your home.

Plan C: errand running. I.e. Picking up groceries, dropping off and fetching dry-cleaning, Christmas gift shopping for people who hate malls but have not yet embraced the interweb. The problem with this is not knowing how many people would use such a service, and how much to charge for convenience. I'd have to play it by ear and see-standing in line at Toys R Us has to be worth A LOT! :)

Anyway, I'm open to suggestions and limited in saleable skills.

I guess I had more than 140 characters worth of stuff after all. Lucky you! *tee-hee!*

Have a lovely day, Poppets!

P.s. For those of you in the know, my baby sis got engaged on Tuesday night! :) no date for a while, but quite a lovely ring.

Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Interesting.

Today's my day off--and it was lovely so far. I accomplished more than usual, but that's not saying much! :)

I read a metric-tonne of blog posts, and in one of my favourites, I found this list. It was originally written by H.Jackson Brown, Jr. (author of Life's Little Instruction Book, among others).

I quite liked it. Enough to re-post it here--so I hope you find one or two tips that you enjoy too.

21 Suggestions for Living Wisely and Well - H.Jackson Brown, Jr.

1. Teach by example.
2. Bless each day with a generous act.
3. Never waste and opportunity to tell someone that you love them.
4. Do something every day that maintains good health.
5. Take family vacations whether you can afford them or not.
6. Stand up for your principles even if you stand alone.
7. Judge your success by the degree that you're enjoying peace, health and love.
8. Be there when people need you.
9. Be devoted to your spouse and dedicated to your children.
10. Be of service to your community and to your country.
11. Have courage when things go wrong.
12. Tell the truth.
13. Maintain your resources wisely.
14. Be satisfied, don't grumble.
15. Don't overlook life's small joys while searching for big ones.
16. Discover the power of prayer.
17. Discover the power of forgiveness.
18. Love people more than things.
19. Look for the good.
20. Search for the truth.
21. Hope for the best.


I think this is a fantastic list, and a really great reminder to be present in one's day to day life. Don't let your life be a series of things that happen to you, or around you. Be an active participant, and EXPERIENCE your life. Something we all forget to do, now and again.

Fine then.

I guess that since the fates seem to be conspiring against me by leaving me no blogs to read, no tv to watch, and no sleep to have--I might as well blog.

Things are...messed up. Getting better, but messed the fuck up. The finances are in the gutter. The job is just Meh at the best of times. And I'm still waiting on an expense cheque from my move (11 months ago--but who's counting?) My car is still being held hostage in Sackville (this is the end of month 3) -- where it will remain until I get my expense cheque and can pay the ransom.

I'm not hating being a bus person, but I think that's mainly because I've been quite lucky to work with some great folks. My boss picks me up every morning at 6:45 AM, saving me an extra 15 minutes at the house. I can generally get a ride home at night-time, saving me the 1.5 hours it takes to make a 10 minute trip home. I've just had to bus that a couple of times--and I don't actually mind it. The only thing that I really dislike about it, is the amount of time it adds to my already long days at work, and that it keeps me from my dog that much longer. I feel quite guilty about the amount of time he spends home alone.

I'll likely continue the bus commute for any day shifts that I work, even once the car comes home. The timing is convenient, and it will save me a ton of money on gas and wear and tear. I just don't like mooching rides at night time, because even though I've driven people home hundreds of times over the last 10 years, I hate asking. I know most people don't mind, but I don't like to count on that at 10:00 pm. Particularly in the rain or snow.

I have Wednesday off, and my mission for Wednesday is to piece together a current resume. I don't have one. I opened the classifieds on Saturday morning at work, and a job jumped out at me and screamed "SADIE!!! THIS IS FOR YOU!!!" so I figure that I should listen or something. The application deadline is next Monday, so I have a bit of time for tweaking.

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks about what I want/need to change in my life. I work too many hours at my current job for the limited amount of opportunity for growth that is available to me. I love what I do, and I'm quite good at it; but if there's nowhere to GO from here, then I need to go OUT from here. And, dammit, I want a life again. I want to take Gaelic class in the evenings. I'd like to develop a routine. I'd love to have my evenings and weekends free, like most of the mythical people I read about on the internet. I've never known any of those people...but I think I'd like to be one of them. I'd like to try it, at least.

Anyway--bedtime. Because 5 am comes early. *shudder*

G'night, poppets. I've missed you.

Oh no!

So last night I was up late.

I was actually, for the first time in ages, composing a real blog post. Apparently the fates were against me because there was a power surge at about 12:30am and the power went out. This wouldn't normally be an issue as I use a laptop.

Except for the power surge.

Because now my computer won't work. And I am SAD.

Oh well, the crack berry will help console me through this time of great loss. (tee-hee!)

I had a house-full this past weekend. It was nice, but exhausting. I worked all day Thursday until 9:30 and then had people trickle in until midnight. It was pretty nice, I must say. I got to keep Christine overnight, and DD and the boy-child stayed until Monday.

Friday I dropped C. At the basketball tournament venue, and then the boys and I went to Peggy's Cove. It was a pretty lovely day out, if a bit chilly.

Friday night we went to see Neil Young at the Metro Centre. The show was good, but the opening band stunk. The tickets were ridiculously expensive, particularly to see only one band, and I'd have never gone to it if I'd been the one buying the tickets.

I worked the next morning at 6, and I have to say that it sucked. Anyone in retail will tell you that if stores are to be closed for a day, people think the world is coming to an end and shop like fiends both the day before and the day after aid holiday. Suffice to say that Saturday blew dead goats.

Saturday night DD took The Child to his aunt and uncle's place and the grown ups went out on the town.

A friend of mine from out of town was home for a visit, so some other friends of mine had a wee house party to mark the occasion. Then we all went off to Cheers. 'Twas a train wreck.

We all had a blast. I bumped into Dan-o. I thought I was saving some girl from some creepy guy; and while this proved to be true, I also found myself in a bit of a pickle when she started hitting on me. My radar is usually a finely tuned instrument but it was temporarily off key due to massive alcohol consumption. Oopsie!

I earned myself a very solid hangover on Sunday, and we didn't get up until 2:30. Supper at DD's brother's place was nice, although I could have happily done without him telling them I wasn't doing so well. Oh well. He's pretty slick otherwise.
Because we were out of town on Sunday afternoon I missed getting to say goodbye to Christine, which made me sad. At least I got to see her a bit, even if I had to work during all Bobby's b-ball games.

Overall, I have to say that it was a pretty fantastic weekend.

It's amazing to me that i've finally found somebody who thinks it's fun watching me have fun and mess around with my friends instead of being a big drag who hates my friends.* He even ENJOYED hanging out with them. Pretty impressive, considering that my friends and I are a) quite a handful, b) humungous flirts, and c) out of control. It was a really nice surprise.

*this is not to say my exes were all big drags-(in fact Billy was not at all) but it's really rare for me to find someone that actually not only understands that I'm different in different settings, but actually lets me be me and actively enjoys that. So odd. So refreshing.

Anyway, this is kinda ridiculously long for typing out on a text message keyboard. So have a happy day, Poppets-and please say a few for the speedy recovery of my 'puter!

Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Breaking the silence.

I've been wanting to post every day for a month now. But I have not, for one reason or another.

Things have been great. Fantastic, actually. So much to tell...I'll catch up one of these days.

Short versions?

Billy finally came to see the house. It was good. He apologized for being an ass last fall/winter. I accepted the apology. We sat, and talked, and cried, and talked, and held, and we're good.

Christine and Bob came to visit! I got to see them, reconnect with Christine, get to know the kids a bit...it was awesome.


My dog has adjusted and loves me more than breathing. I love him back.

Darwin-


DD is very much a part of my day-to-day. It's odd for me, but nice. He's so attentive. I really like his kid. It scares the hell out of me--because I'm afraid to frig things up. I'm afraid to become too involved, in case it doesn't work out. I'm afraid of having to break up with BOTH of them. Hell, I dated a guy for an extra YEAR in high school because my sister loved him so much--I didn't know how to break him up from my family!

Anyway...I'm happy. I had a great weekend this weekend--the boys stayed at my house because the Child had a regatta in Shediac this weekend and my place is closer than theirs. It was really, really nice having them both in my space. It was cozy, and felt like it was supposed to be that way. Scary stuff.


I went out with Caileen & Jane's daughter last night, and had a blast. We all got trashed. DD offered, before i went out, to come fetch me if I needed a ride. I was surprised, as nobody has ever offered this before.

So...i called. And he came to get me. And he was a good sport. And he stayed up and listened to me gabble for a bit after. And then we slept. And it's so nice having him in my space.

Anyway--that's it for now. I can barely keep my eyes open.

Until more updates-- enjoy some photos.

Jumping right back in.

Just breaking the silence.

I figured that the best way to start again, is to just do it.

So here you go.

I should be asleep...so I'm going. But I've got a lot to say...so I'll be back.

-DD finally said something about liking me
-he did it on the Wednesday after the last post
-we didn't get a lot of sleep because it took him until 3am to get up enough nerve to say something
-my response was nervous laughter (this is NOT a good way to respond)
-we smooched
-that was good
-he came back the next week
-we smooched more
-we may have done more than smooch
-i pointed out how terrible an idea it would be for us to get involved, but did it anyway
-he REALLY likes me
-he's a pretty decent man
-who really, REALLY likes me
-who's willing to drive 2 hours at a time to see me
-this weekend he did it on Friday night for a surprise
-it was a pretty good surprises
-lynn and alicia were coming down already that day though to help paint the house
-he stayed anyway and hung out with all of us
-they liked him, he liked them. it was a good surprise
-the girls painted my living room while i was at work on saturday
-it was awesome of them
-my house is starting to feel like MY HOUSE--now that it's painted especially
-the trim still needs done, but i can live with this for now--it's just sooo much better
-before this weekend, I was talking to DD on Wednesday or Thursday, and apparently a contact of his at H*me Despot emailed him about 'i hear you're sleeping with one of your store managers'
-it was annoying, irritating, pissed me off, angered me, and was incredibly disheartening that a reputation i've worked hard to build for 10 years could be destroyed by someone's car sitting in my driveway overnight.
-this weekend happened, and it was a great weekend--very relaxing.
-Also, it was nice to see a boy that wanted to see me and so drove 2 hours on his motorcycle to make that happen, and then drove 3 hours home in a rain storm. And is prepared to do it again...however long that takes. Pretty spiff.
-the girls painted my house. Awesome.
-i got lots of sleep, lots of jabber, and lots of friendly love. I have AMAZING friends. I am VERY, VERY, VERY lucky.
-tonight, i got a message from DD that he was getting called up on the carpet by the powers that be because someone called someone important to mention that we're seeing one another. Which we're technically not. Because I haven't decided yet. But he was warning me so that i could be aware in case someone said something to me.
-he's very thoughtful like that, because he wants me to not suffer any repercussions because he really wants us to go someplace. And he's considerate like that anyway.
-but he's worried. and I'm very worried for him. i'm prepared to tell people to fuck themselves because my private life is none of their business. however, his job DOES intersect with mine, and i don't want to do anything to jeopardize his integrity (or my own!)
-he's doing the physical test for the RCMP in 2 weeks. if he passes that, then he's quitting anyway
-i don't want to ever date a cop
-i should likely back off now anyway--and make his life easier. But i get the decided impression that he does not want that at all. he wants more involvement, not less. he's very persuasive.
-i want to be sure it's the right decision. *sigh*
-people suck, big time.

Anyway...bedtime.

Oh yes...and I may be flying home to Ontario on Wednesday morning for a funeral, and then back here on Friday morning. My last remaining grandparent died tonight. It's sad, but mostly because I feel loss at a relationship that never really was.

I always envied people who were closer to their grandparents. My grandma on my dad's side was never particularly close to us--not since we were tiny, anyway. She's a lovely woman who loved Jesus in a way that is not quite natural. She bought into all the television evangelists and whatever snake oil they were selling this week. She parented her kids until they turned 12, then they were on their own. She thought my mother was the only thing keeping my dad out of the priesthood. She wanted my mom to name me Thursyl (thanks for not doing that, mom). But for all that, she loved my father more than ice cream. She was a good woman. I did love her...but I didn't really KNOW her.

She lived far away, and her lifestyle kept her even farther away. My dad worked at keeping his family at a distance, and now that we're all adults, it seems natural to keep doing it.

But I should go home. I should do it for my dad. I should do it for myself. I should do it to honour the relationship that I always wished I had with a woman I hardly knew. I should do it to honour the relationships that my cousins DID have. And to reconnect with a family that I haven't seen in ages.

I will have to see what's going on...the flight is over $500, and I only have 3 days in which to complete it. I'd leave at 6 on Wednesday (from Moncton) and then come back out of Toronto at 8 on Friday morning. It's a whirlwind. I'm going to have to see if I can make it happen or not.

I'll keep you posted. On all of it.

I have a day to spend with my DM tomorrow. His boss is apparently the one that told DD's boss to cool it with the fraternizing. So we'll see if MY boss dares to say anything to me. I really WILL tell him to fuck himself if that's the case.

But first I'll get permission for the bereavement leave. :)

Ho hum :)

Um...I suck. :)

So Thursday update--it wasn't as horrible as I expected it to be. It wasn't pleasant, but then again, when is an intervention ever a good time? Seriously, it was like couples counseling (rather, how I imagine couples counseling to be, I've never actually had any, although several of my past relationships would probably have benefited from the experience). But at least it's over. Hopefully it worked, and things be better. I've been working at my stuff to try and improve things, so I just hope he keeps plugging away at his. Time shall tell.

I closed Friday night, and worked yesterday. Last night I drove to Halifax to meet up with Tracey and some of the girls. She's in town from Edmonton for a week, and I REALLY wanted to see her. Which is good, because the roads were evil. They were perfectly clear here, and most of the way through the Cobequid Pass, but on the other side of the pass, and all the way into the city they were horrible. I did 60 all the way down the highway from Milbrook on. It was a long trip.

Last night was a really good time. Parts of it were awkward, but it turned out to be a blast. The awkward part was when Billy and I had a 'discussion' at the end of the night. You see, he read some back-pages of my blog about 10 days ago. I thought it was him, I just had a feeling. But I wasn't sure. And I didn't mention it.

Remember how I'd said he was gone offline for a few days? And that I was missing even having him sit there on my messenger not talking? Well. I was right. It was intentional.

But he mis-read some things, and didn't understand where I was coming from. I think we have it sorted out now. I wish I hadn't been quite so trashed, because we talked about a LOT of stuff, and I can only remember half of it. Yes, I know. Lack of sleep, and too much booze leads to poor judgement. Well, this time it didn't. It lead to clearing the air, and hopefully getting back on the right foot. I'd like to have more of that conversation sober, but I don't think he'd do it, to be honest. It's too uncomfortable. For both of us. And it's the type of thing that needs to be done in person. And we don't get that opportunity very often.

Anyway, I think we're sorted out. It was very sad at some points, and very emotional (for me!) in others. I asked for a hug, and he held me. And we fell asleep like that, and it was nice. (yes, I know, not healthy--I don't hug my other friends like that) It was nice because I think we both needed to understand that we can still get along. And that neither one of us would intentionally hurt the other one's feelings. Particularly not in public.

He and Alicia and I went to breakfast this morning, and when I left the restaurant to drop Alicia at home, I hugged him. And we held on a bit, even though it was a one-armed hug. And it was nice. I hug all my other friends, and it's not something we've ever been able to do in public--even when we were dating. So I think we're making steps.

I'd have liked to get together for caffeine this afternoon to finish up our conversation from last night, but I didn't want to be pushy. Or seem like I wanted more than friendship--because I really don't. Well...I think I don't. But that's for another exploratory surgery. :-)

I went to the mall and wandered for a couple of hours. Steven came to meet me and we had Second Cup and a lovely chat. He told me all about his date last night (it went really well) and that the best part was being able to just go places in public and not have to look over his shoulder to see if anybody saw them together. Isn't that an absolutely horrible thing? I mean, that THAT was the way he's lived his last 2 years of dating? It's distasteful. And I"m happy that he's finally learning to be happy.

I'm sooooooo tired, that I'm off to bed. I just really wanted to update a little bit.

I had a fantastic weekend, saw some great friends, played a really fun board game, drank too much, made up with my best friend, and got some hugs and snuggles. Human touch makes up for a lot of injustice in your day-to-day. I need to figure out how to get more of that. But that's a job for tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Saint Paddy's Day, and I was invited to Moncton with DD to beverage with some of his friends. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'd love to go to Moncton, I'd love to meet new people, but I don't think I want to encourage him. Nor do I really want to have 'the conversation' with him tomorrow. Who knows. I'm going to play it by ear. I'll see how I feel about the whole thing tomorrow, after a lovely long snooze.

G'night, poppets. Happy Sunday night. :-)

Brief update

I went to Halifax this weekend, for what is likely to be the last time in quite a while.

I had an absolutely lovely New Year's re-enactment. My Christmas gift(s) went over incredibly well. I got smooched in public on purpose by the anti-PDA boyfriend. I got abandoned at the bar. I got in a screaming dramatic fight in the middle of the street. I was rude to a good friend. I yelled at a policeman to move along and stop staring at me while I had my meltdown on a public street. I hit Bill. I stormed away crying. I apologized for hitting, but not for what I said. We went home together. We discussed. We ignored. We finalized what we both knew was done a long while back.

I'll get into more gory detail later, but I am so tired that I really, REALLY need to go to sleep now. I just wanted to hit the high/low points while I was thinking about it.

We stayed in bed all morning--with me not able to sleep. We went for food, then had a nap together. We hugged. We kissed. I said goodbye. But it came out sounding exactly like: "See you around some time."

Sadly, sometimes things just end with a whimper.

Love you all--have a good night.

So...

...I accidentally shut my computer off as I was moving into the bedroom to get ready to head to bed. I fully intended to blog before sleep, but I was definitely going to bed...I'm completely knackered.

I went to the trouble of turning the computer back ON--which is a hassle, as the laptop has been taking an outrageously long time to boot up these days.*

*note to self: take computer in to have drive cleaned up and de-bugged.

So I turned on the computer, fully intending to blog immediately, then head straight to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow, and just realized I have to be at work EARLY instead of getting to sleep in late as I had originally thought.

Then, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I got sucked into game after game of Spider Solitaire. I checked my e-mail, again. (I didn't have any.) I looked at my MSN contacts. I managed to NOT log into Facebook to see who was around, but it was tough.

And yet, I did not blog. *boggle*

Today I unpacked some boxes--not as many as I should have, but some. I shovelled snow for an hour or so, tidying up the drive and the path to the mailbox/oil tank. I swept out the garage. I did a load of laundry. I washed a pen. It leaked. I re-washed a load of laundry. The second time, it was only the pretty yellow shirt I got at Frenchy's a couple of weeks ago.*

*Miraculously, it was the only casualty in the pen-washing incident. And although the shirt was pretty, it was purchased for the sole purpose of wearing while painting. So really, even if it's wrecked, it's no great loss.

I see by my list that I was quite productive today, even though I didn't feel like I was particularly so.

I played Scrabulous tonight on the Crackbook, and I chatted with Billy a bit about tomorrow night.

We're expecting an insane storm tomorrow/tomorrow night so I may have to revise my plans to include NOT driving to Halifax. That makes me VERY sad, as I was looking forward to spending a fun-tastic evening drinking, dancing, celebrating, and breaking up. Oh well...we shall see what transpires. I just don't want to spend my New Year's Eve sitting on my living room floor (or sofa!!!) surrounded by boxes, drinking alone and hoping somebody's on MSN that I can wish a Happy New Year to. It's how I spent last year (sans boxes) and I have no desire to do so again any time soon.

I have a feeling we'll either end up at the ceilidh at Your Father's Moustache, or at O'Carroll's. If we disagree early enough in the evening, I'll head to Beeler's for a party and just crash there for the evening. Either way, it should be fun. I'm a good time! :-) (I hate smileys with noses, but if you don't use a nose, then it comes out as a capital J when you enter your post...so suck up the noses!)

All my favourite blogs (238 at last Bloglines count) except a couple of you marvelous folks on my blogroll are doing introspective 'best of 2007' 'goals for 2008' posts. Quite frankly, I can't be arsed.*

I've done so much introspection and thinking over the last month or so, perhaps on Tuesday I'll fill you in on some of it. It's not even all negative! :-) Go me!

I hope you all have a FANTASTIC New Year's Eve--and that none of you are too hindered by the threat of a storm. Go forth, look fabulous, drink fantastic drinks, and have a good time. And if not, at the very least consider that there are others out there that don't look nearly as fabulous as you, so you can at least cling to that! (Hey, it's a good night for being shallow--embrace it!)


*What's with all the british-isms tonight? Who do I think I am--Dame Edna?**

**Yes, I know Dame Edna is Australian.

*** (yes, i know there was no corresponding asterisk up above, again with the sucking it up!) When I just did a spell-check, I found that Blogger doesn't have an issue with the word "ceilidh"--but it doesn't recognize "blogroll". What the heck?