oh my.

Firstly, don't put too much pepper in your scall0ped potatoes. Trust me. There's a point, when you're shaking the pepper shaker over top of the milky-onion mixture, making a roux, when you say to yourself: "Self! That is too much pepper! Be careful!" and you say "Self, shut up. You don't know what you're saying! You know I love pepper!" I'm saying--LISTEN TO YOUR SELF. IT'S TOO MUCH PEPPER!

Secondly, life sucks sometimes.

Thirdly, don't spend 2 days stuck inside your own head. It's dangerous for your mental health. I mean it. Trust me on this one too. I'm smart, I can be trusted. Besides which, the voice of experience should always be heeded. (Harkened to?)

Fouthly, Fuck. It's raining outside.

Fifthly, at least it's not fucking snowing.

Sixthly, Thirstdays are the best day ever.

Seventhly, I'm an awful girlfriend and you should never date me. I'm filled, nay riddled, with angst. And questions. And confusion. I'm not to be dated. Trusted? Sure. I'm waaaaay trustworthy. But dates are out of the question.

Eighthly, I think I'm drunk. Otherwise I'm confused as to why the monitor is so difficult to manoeuvre.

Ninthly, I can't be that drunk--I spelled manoeuvre correctly. Twice. Rock on.

Tenthly, go me!

Eleventhly, is it wrong that the only person you feel you can talk to in the whole wide world is either a) your ex-boyfriend or b) a bunch of strangers on the interweb?

(i'm running out of the ability to count--just sayin'...)

Twelvthly, (or twelvethly?) Biggest Loser Australia? WTF?

Thirteenthly, it is apparent that eventually spellcheck gives up on you. It feels that you are incorrigible and don't deserve suggestive underlines. Well, I have one thing to say. Fuck you, Spell Check. I do too know how to spell my name. And what's more, I know how to spell colour. That U is important to me, dammit. And you, are not. So there. Take that. Now CRY, BABY!

Fourteenthly, It's okay. I think I'm fine now that I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Fifteenthly, Thirstday is awesome. Particularly when Roger is playing solo. He's amazing. I Heart him muchly.

Fine then.

I guess that since the fates seem to be conspiring against me by leaving me no blogs to read, no tv to watch, and no sleep to have--I might as well blog.

Things are...messed up. Getting better, but messed the fuck up. The finances are in the gutter. The job is just Meh at the best of times. And I'm still waiting on an expense cheque from my move (11 months ago--but who's counting?) My car is still being held hostage in Sackville (this is the end of month 3) -- where it will remain until I get my expense cheque and can pay the ransom.

I'm not hating being a bus person, but I think that's mainly because I've been quite lucky to work with some great folks. My boss picks me up every morning at 6:45 AM, saving me an extra 15 minutes at the house. I can generally get a ride home at night-time, saving me the 1.5 hours it takes to make a 10 minute trip home. I've just had to bus that a couple of times--and I don't actually mind it. The only thing that I really dislike about it, is the amount of time it adds to my already long days at work, and that it keeps me from my dog that much longer. I feel quite guilty about the amount of time he spends home alone.

I'll likely continue the bus commute for any day shifts that I work, even once the car comes home. The timing is convenient, and it will save me a ton of money on gas and wear and tear. I just don't like mooching rides at night time, because even though I've driven people home hundreds of times over the last 10 years, I hate asking. I know most people don't mind, but I don't like to count on that at 10:00 pm. Particularly in the rain or snow.

I have Wednesday off, and my mission for Wednesday is to piece together a current resume. I don't have one. I opened the classifieds on Saturday morning at work, and a job jumped out at me and screamed "SADIE!!! THIS IS FOR YOU!!!" so I figure that I should listen or something. The application deadline is next Monday, so I have a bit of time for tweaking.

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks about what I want/need to change in my life. I work too many hours at my current job for the limited amount of opportunity for growth that is available to me. I love what I do, and I'm quite good at it; but if there's nowhere to GO from here, then I need to go OUT from here. And, dammit, I want a life again. I want to take Gaelic class in the evenings. I'd like to develop a routine. I'd love to have my evenings and weekends free, like most of the mythical people I read about on the internet. I've never known any of those people...but I think I'd like to be one of them. I'd like to try it, at least.

Anyway--bedtime. Because 5 am comes early. *shudder*

G'night, poppets. I've missed you.

Interesting

It's interesting to me that today, I wake up nervous.

I'm not a nervous person. I seldom get anxious about things, or experiences. Oh, I get last minute jitters, but never 'days in advance' nerves. I went to bed last night a bit nervous, and this morning I woke up much the same way.

Today I head into a local school to deliver the 'Business Basics' course from Junior Achievement to a classroom of 6th graders. It's the first time I've done the program as an instructor, and taking it myself 25 years ago hardly counts as prep-time. *grin*

I'm excited about it, because I think it will be fun. But I don't think I'm prepared enough to lead a roomful of 11 year olds through anything, let alone a lesson! At least the teacher will be there. If I fail miserably, I expect that he'll step in to help.

Wish me luck! I'm on at 12:30!

Now, I'm off to work. Blech--the good news is, I'm off for the weekend! First of three in a row! Woooooo-hooooo!

Happy Friday!

Poor life decisions are fun!

Tom Fun was awesome on Saturday night. :) The show was great--the opening band, The Stance, was okay. Good, talented, but not really 'special'--they sounded an awful lot like Sloan. The best song they did was the last one, and it was a cover-tune. Granted, they rocked it seriously, but it wasn't their own song so it hardly counts.

I nearly didn't get to go because I ended up not having a place to stay. Steve had a date, and Duffy was having a party. The whole 'finding a place to stay' business is a real pain in the ass.

Anyway, I got home from an absolutely exhausting day at work on Saturday and logged into my MSN. I was about to go shower when Billy msg'd me. 'Shouldn't you have left by now?!'

I said I didn't think i was going to be able to go since I didn't have a place to stay. He offered to let me stay with him if I wanted. I said 'are you sure?' He said yes, so I said 'Thanks, I will!'

He was going to meet up with some guys from work at Shane's house first, and invited me to meet him there first if I wanted. As it turned out, the guys all bailed and Billy was wandering around downtown waiting for the bar to open when I hit town.

We parked the vehicular, and went to the club. At the club we chatted, and commenced beveraging.

The shows were awesome...I danced and danced. Billy even danced, and he generally doesn't. Shows what the gin will do to you! *laugh*

After, we cabbed it back to Darkness and commenced the search for food. I had a cookie dipped in peanut butter. Also a finger dipped repeatedly in peanut butter. Good thing I'm cute or people wouldn't put up with that shit. *grin* Billy had a piece of cold pizza. We'd have eaten more, but his cupboards were a bit bare from cleaning out his fridge earlier in the week. He's just as lazy as I am at the basic housekeeping tasks.

I played 2 notes on his mandolin! It was fun, but I wasn't any good at it. Not having any sensation except pain in my forefinger makes it difficult to press down the strings properly. He played me a song on his guitar, then fiddled around on his mandolin himself. Finally, around 3:30 it was time for sleep.

I said 'I'll need a blanket or something' then I went in to the bathroom. I came out, and it was dark. I said 'Hey! it's dark!' He turned his lamp back on.

I said 'where am I supposed to sleep?'

'You can sleep here, if you want.'

'Umm...'

(I didn't say this post was full of great choices! I said it was full of fun!)

'Alright, hang on with the light then.' I got out my jammies, and went to change into them in the other room. I climbed into bed, and the light went back out.

Billy has a single bed, so I'm sure I've mentioned before that I never really had a good sleep when we shared. I sleep on my left side, curled up, so I was facing into the middle of the bed. Not really an issue, he was facing the other side. We were not touching. It was going to be fine.

He rolled over to face me.

He reached out for me and hung a leg over mine.

I feel it necessary to mention at this point that we had both been drinking copiously. Not that it makes any difference, you don't do things drunk you wouldn't do sober, you just do them sooner.

I said 'Will we be okay if I do something really stupid?'

He laughed and said 'what? What kind of stupid thing were you going to do?' He was truly puzzled.

'I think we'd be okay if I did something really stupid. I hope we will, anyway.'

'Seriously, what are you talking about?' (Keep in mind that he was still hugging me at this point.)

I said, 'something like this'...and kissed the heck out of him.

'Oh. That. Uh...'

There was much smooching, and nearly 3 hours of the hottest sex I've ever had in my life. Seriously, it was so good I thought about it all the way home on my drive on Sunday. And Sunday night, and yesterday. And...for a while to come, I'm sure.

Shame it took so long to be able to get to that point.

In the morning when we woke up, we didn't snuggle or have an instant replay. I would have very much enjoyed a replay, but we didn't. I did manage to play by myself for a few minutes while he was in the bathroom, but it wasn't the same.

Sunday morning we cabbed back over to get his car, then went to Spartan for breakfast. He dropped me at my truck, and we left it quite casually. We didn't hug goodbye, which could be a step backwards from where we were last time, but it's likely a better choice for that day.

We've chatted since on MSN. Not about that, but we seem to be fine.

I know that it was a poor choice. I know that we are not in a place where we will ever be able to do 'casual'. But we seem to have pulled it off for the moment. I don't know.

I THINK that my heart is okay. I really do, so since these things always cost somebody, I'm wondering how his is doing. Not that it's any of my business or any of my concern. Anyway, I had an absolutely fantastic weekend--it was great to hang out with a good friend and not think about work. It was even better to dance and be silly with a good friend, and even better still to get some crazy-good action!

Happy Monday. :)

So here's the thing...

...the longer you stay away, the easier it gets.

I've written a dozen posts in the last two weeks--but none of them have managed to make it to actual written text. I've composed a billion of them in my head...but that hasn't helped you lot very much, now has it?

So this may be long, this may be short. It's late, so hopefully the latter.

Item the first:

I went for a drink--okay several--with a man I met on POF. He's a cable-guy. I was quite clear about just wanting to be friends. He seemed fine with that. Later that week, we then went to the movies and had coffee. (We saw Juno--it was a lovely little film--the critics are all correct about this one. Not Oscar worthy as a film, but Ellen Page was fantastic--SHE deserves one...but I digress.) It was okay. I think he was confused about what I consider 'friends' to be. I think he gets it now. He hasn't called me since. I'm okay with that.


Item the second:

Lent began. I gave up coffee. I had a wee bit of an headache on the first day, but nothing much since. I didn't 'cheat' on Sunday, although most clerics say that Sundays don't count because they're officially Feast Days. But to me, it's cheating. So I don't do it. Unless I get desperate. And I'm not there yet. Maybe this Sunday. We shall see. I'm okay with Lent too.

Item the third:

I met a really nice lady on POF. We met for coffee. I had tea. I was okay with that. She seems really nice, if a bit gung-ho. She's from here. Always been from here. Got a bit of an issue with people's social status. She seemed a bit taken aback by my job. I'm thinking she's going to have to learn to be okay with that. That was last Wednesday. We're getting together on Thursday night a local pub to play Guitar Hero. Should be fun. I'd be okay with that.

Item the third:

That same night, DD--my corporate security guy-- came to town again. This time, his intent was entirely social. He met up with us for coffee, and then I went back to the hotel and we drank beer. I got the impression the last time he was in town that he was developing a bit of a crush. This time I was sure of it. He's lovely to talk to--and not unattractive. (I actually had unpure thoughts LOOKING at the guy--first time that's happened in YEARS. Could just be desperation talking, but hey...it was a pretty nifty feeling.) But you know...dipping the quill in the company ink. Not a game I want to play again. I learned my lesson about relationships on the down-low when I was with Luke. Even still, it was nice to be flirted with.

He actually managed to very subtly and very professionally sneak a 'you're a very attractive woman' into conversation. That's impressive. It's also the first time I've heard it from somebody whose opinion might matter to me in a VERY long time. So long, in fact, that I can't recall the last time. Well...I can. It was 2 years ago during the Summer Of Men. So I was due. I was actually VERY okay with that.

I was even okay with the very cheesy and half-hearted comment when I said 'okay, I have to go' and stood up and put my coat on. "Do you really?" *snicker* I mean really...who says that? *laugh* I pretended I hadn't heard him and talked about work as I walked to the door. It was kinda flattering. I needed that. I'm okay with being flattered in a sincere way.

Thing the third: (Am I at 3?)

Friday of last week I went for beer with a fellow I met on POF a looooooooooooong time ago. We'd been on MSN, but then we stopped talking because I started dating Billy...and then I deleted him. I added him as a Facebook friend when he asked me to a while back, and we've been joking around ever since. So when he saw me on POF again, he messaged me on MSN...and we've been chatting it up. He's very funny. We went for beer on Friday, and it was nice. He's very funny in person too, but a lot more reserved and shy than he is online. I didn't expect this. I'm finding that I probably should, but I'm pretty much exactly the same in person as I am online, so it never occurs to me that other people will not be. Anyway, he was fun. We chatted up a storm. We'll be pretty good friends, eventually, I think. I'm very okay with that.

Item the fifth: (I scrolled, that was actually 4 up there. Deal.)

**NOTE** I am absolutely in LOVE with the auto-draft feature. I just hit a mystery button and my post disappeared! I thought I was a goner in Old-Blogger-style fashion. But no! I was saved by the Auto-Draft! Wheee! I love you new-blogger! I love you Auto-draft! I am VERY okay with you! *HUGS*

Item the sixth: (that was not going to be an item, the auto-draft thing, but it was so special a moment to me that it deserved its own bullet point)

Saturday I drove in to Halifax, purportedly to pick up some goods for the store, but really to drink with Steven and Duffy. On the way there, I was taking a truckload of lights to a store along the way. It's a location that sounds like Bureau. I was partway there when the shrink-wrap on my load let go and my truck spewed light fixtures all over the Trans-Canada highway. It was a good time, let me tell you. I pulled over to the side of the road, the guy behind me did the same. He put on his 4-ways and backed up a bit to give the oncoming cars some extra warning. I very cautiously deked out onto the highway to rescue the fixtures from the masses of oncoming steel. I fetched them one at a time, and bolted back to the guardrail on my side of the road. I didn't pile them up at this point, just got them off the road. Once the lights were all over to the side, I then began to stack them neatly into a large pile. I gathered them all to the side, and then spoke to the man in the car behind me. I thanked him profusely for his help and consideration, and assured him I would telephone for assistance immediately.

At this point two things happened. A second car pulled over, and the first man began to pull away. Before he could pull away entirely, I walked up to the passenger window of the second car to assure the newcomers that I was fine. Two young men were in the car, all blinged out and nowhere to go. They asked me for money. The driver got out of the car. His pants were nearly falling off, they were riding so low. He explained that they were having some trouble with their tire, and that their gas tank had a leak in it. He offered to give me one of his rings if I could part with $10 so they could be sure to have enough gas to get back to Halifax. I explained that I didn't even have a dollar fifty to buy myself a cup of coffee, let alone any cash for gas. I have to say, that I don't intimidate easily, but I was feeling quite a bit queasy at this point about the whole situation. Of course, at this point, the first guy decides it's a good time to drive away. Bastige. The car really did look like it was having issues, it was just not a good time for me to begin with--and being approached by two wanna-be thugs at the side of the road when you're already having a tough moment really doesn't make you feel all that Samaritan-like.

So buddy was disappointed, but I was being honest. I asked how far they were going--and they said Halifax. I explained how far away the exit was. I explained that I had to wait for the guy from the store to come and meet me to pick up my pile of lights from the side of the road, but that I too was headed to Halifax. (It was at this point that I realized that I recognized the would-be thugs from the Dome--didn't lend comfort to the situation, just FYI.) I told buddy that while I couldn't offer him gas money, I'd keep my eyes peeled for them, and that if I saw them at the side of the road, I'd pull over and pick them up at least. He looked quite relieved at that and said "Really? That'd be awesome. Even just to watch and make sure we're not stuck. My cell phone died while we were in Moncton--it's been a rough weekend already!"

That made me feel better. They then drove off. That made me feel even better yet.

I piled my lights at the side of the road, then sat in the truck to wait for the cube-van to come from the store to 'rescue' me. I didn't have to wait long, but it was long enough.

Another truck (with a ski-doo on a trailer) stopped up ahead and a really nice man walked back to check on me. I explained that I was fine, and that help was on the way. He was on his way to Newfoundland. I wished him snowy trails, and he went on his way.

Just after that, another car went past. Slowed...brake lights. It pulled over, then reversed up the shoulder to offer assistance. It was our VP of Human Resources. Argh. Not like I couldn't just have an embarrassingly fucked up afternoon in private. Nooooo....I had to do it in front of somebody important. Which meant that I had to confess it to EVERYBODY important. I was NOT okay with that, although he was more concerned about me than the lights, so that was nice.

Finally, the Cube van showed up, we loaded half the lights on the truck, left the other half on mine--(because who wants to play stock transfer at the side of the road at dusk? Really, not me.)-- and I was on my way again.

I got to the Bureau store (no, not furniture, merely a cleverly disguised location) at 6:18 pm. It closed at 6. There wasn't a soul around. Which left me with half a load of light fixtures, and some snow coming up. Argh! So I drove on to Halifax, dropped my load off at their store for the night, and went to Steve's. I REALLY needed a beer at this point! *grin*

Man, this story is getting long....and it's only going to get longer. I think that's it for tonight. I should be able to finish up tomorrow, if I don't make it to Gaelic. Which I likely won't. I'm so far behind at this point that I don't think I can ever catch up. It makes me sad, because I love the in person class, but I'm SOOOOO not good at online stuff. It's like university though, the classes I went to, I pulled of As...the ones that i skipped a lot? C+. Didn't do my GPA any favours, let me tell you.

Anyway--bedtime for this wee-sexy-thing. And you should go too. I'll fill you in on the rest of my rather eventful Un-eventful weekend tomorrow. Goodnight, Poppets!

Always keep an edge on your knife...

We went to see Corb Lund last night at the Marquee, and it was a great time. Good show, if a bit pricey. I really SHOULD have gone to see him last year when it was only $15 instead of $25! Ah well...it was a good time for the most part.

We bumped into a girl from Billy's gaelic class outside on the sidewalk after and talked to her and her boyfriend for a while. She's really sweet. Her boyfriend is actually a native Gaelic speaker, which completely blows my mind. I'm not used to people in their 20s speaking the language fluently--and boy does he! A-- was saying that he talks to his dad on the phone in Gaelic. "...bacon anns an freezer..." Tee-hee! It makes the language evolve and live. It's pretty spiff. :)

I'm up and typing while Bill's still sleeping. I wish I was asleep. I have a feeling today is going to be another day filled with angst and emotion. Blargle. I came here this weekend determined to NOT have one of those...to just have a great time and go on ahead with things. Who knows...maybe I can pull it off still.

I have another post sitting in my own computer at home, just waiting to be posted. So I'll do that when I go back home this afternoon...then you'll hear about my Tuesday. My Tuesday was pretty good...which is why I was hoping for minor miracles today. :)

Billy's learning a song to lead for milling! That's awesome. I'm really envious of the whole gang of Gaelickers that get to go and mill--it looks like a heck-load of fun. :) I hope that he lets me hear him today before I go--I'd love to go and see them perform, but since I don't get to do that, I hope to hear him here. :)

Anyway, radio's on, so that means he's awake. Let's see how today turns out! :)

Happy Sunday, folks! :)