Ahem.

Wow. So much.

Last post was a Tuesday. Wednesday morning I flew home to Ontario for a 2-day whirlwind trip. My grandmother's funeral was Thursday morning, and I flew back to the coast on Friday morning.

It was surprisingly wonderful, that trip. I got to spend Wednesday just hanging out with my sister and my brother-in-law. Wednesday night, I drove north to P'bo with my dad and my cousin (who I hadn't seen in about 15 years). Dad and I stayed in a formerly trendy hotel/motel which is now decidedly on the seedy-side of things. It was clean and safe though, and I was sooooo exhausted that it didn't really much matter to me. I passed out, and slept so soundly it could have been a park bench for all I knew.

Thursday was all family, all day long. Dad and I got to the cemetery chapel at 8:45 am and met one of my aunts there. After that, it was a steady stream of cousins, aunts, uncles, and family. It was actually really nice to see everyone. My mom & sister & BIL drove up together on Thursday morning--and one of my mom's brother's came too. It was really great to see him--and I know it was nice for mom to have the moral support too.

Thursday afternoon we left P'bo at about 2...and my dad, mum, Amy & Jer and I all had lunch at a road-side dive. It was seriously one of the worst meals I have ever eaten in my life. But it was great having everyone together in one spot. I was glad to get to spend a little bit of time with my mom, because it really was a whirlwind trip and it was the only 'social' time I got with her.

Thursday evening I spent hanging with Amy & Jer in the backyard, enjoying the sunshine and having some beer. What a great day. In the evening, Angela came by and we went down to the Rhino for some food & drinks. It was great to be able to just hang out with Amy & Jer and Ange.

Friday morning had me at the airport by 6:15 am. Angela dropped me off, although that made Amy mad at me. She'll get over it some time, I'm sure. I just didn't want her driving half way across town 2 hours earlier than she needed to be up for school when Angela was already getting up early to go to the gym.

I was in Moncton by 11 am, and home by 12:30.

I stopped at the mall to buy some underwear. I was originally going in to buy something functional...but I stopped at a lingerie store and actually got MEASURED for a bra. Go figure, I've been wearing the wrong size for the last 15 years.

I dropped $150 on a bra and undies. It was a mistake. The bra is fabulous...pretty, fits well, and I love it. But I only bought the panties because they matched and were kinda pretty. I didn't realize until I was walking away that I had paid $59 for a pair of undies that I didn't particularly LIKE. Oh well, I look FABULOUS in them. ;)

So part of the reason I rushed home on Friday--I could have stayed until Sunday, I was off for the weekend already--was because I had Sadies tickets for Friday night at the Marquee in Halifax (birthday present from DD).

I had decided after his last visit to invite him to go with me...he was quite happy about it. He was also quite content to not go, considering why I was rushing home--but I found myself actually WANTING to be at the show...and to be at the show with him. So I bought my ticket with a Friday return.

There was (and still is) far too much drama at work about this--but I've chosen to ignore it and pretty much pretend it doesn't exist. I have enough other issues to deal with, without worrying about something that my COO doesn't seem to see as an issue.

Friday afternoon, DD came by the house as I was finishing up a load of laundry to take with me to the city. We hung out for a bit until I was packed up, and then headed out on the road.

We took my car, which is the first time in a long time that I've driven it to the city. It just seemed less political that way--so I was happy to do that. We didn't actually discuss it, I just did it.

Lunch at Masstown Market, coffee at Stewiacke, candy at Freak Lunchbox, and then a trek to the liquor store and CT for an errand. After those few stops, we went to the hotel to check in. The hotel had its own dog!!! She was amazing--a chocolate lab named Cocoa. She's beautiful. The hotel was also nice.

It was a bit awkward at first--I was glad that we were there, but I felt cheesy, and corny, and a bit like an awkward teenager. But I got over that. We drank some fun beverages and headed out to the show.

What a great show! Good times. I bought a hoodie--I NEVER buy merch at shows, but it was sooooo awesome.

Saturday morning we went to the market for breakfast and a wander. We then went shopping for sailboat parts, and to the Dingle. We stopped in Windsor to visit with Lynn and Stu, and stopped at the Spitfire for a drink and a snack. A FANTASTIC day overall.

We kinda took the long road back to the highway, which was unintentional, and not as much fun as it could have been. I was feeling particularly guilty for keeping DD from home, as he had a commitment to his boy for Sunday morning and wanted to spend some time chilling with him on Saturday evening as well. DD said it was fine, but *I* am the queen of guilt and felt terrible about being not-quite-lost.

Anyway, it was a FABULOUS weekend. I had been concerned about liking him out of spite, or just because I was flattered that he was actually showing me he liked me. And to be honest, I still was concerned about that after the weekend.

But he called me to chat on Monday. And it was awesome. And we made plans for Thursday.

He was supposed to be coming here for BBQ and hanging out. Work intervened though, and he had to stay in SJ. Also, his best friend called him and called in a favour to work on his lawn. I was far more disappointed than I thought I would be. And not just because I suddenly didn't have any plans...I had tons of stuff that I could have done instead. I was disappointed that I wasn't going to see him.

So I called him back. I said, 'tell me if I'm being too pushy--but how long will Buddy's thing take?' 'I don't know...couple of hours, not more. Why?' 'Wanna catch a late movie? I can come to SJ if you want...but if not, that's okay, just say so.'

He was thrilled with the idea. And surprised. And happy. :-) We went to see Ironman. It was good. I hadn't been to the movies in AAAAGES...I always forget how much I love the experience of going to the theatre. Anyway...I realized about 15 minutes out of town that I was driving directly into the den of the lion...and wearing a dress made of meat. I was driving my company truck right smack into head-quarters town. *laugh* Take that, corporate uptightists!

During the movie, he held my hand. Kinda my idea, but he was super-game and didn't want to let go. It was awesome. It's been a long time since a boy wanted to hold hands with me. And I absolutely LOOOOVE holding hands. After, we drank tea on his sofa, and made out. *GRIN* I kinda like making out. A lot. His folks live with him (or the other way around--not sure, but it makes for free and frequent child-care) so it was kinda high-school like. In the 'I'm a grownup so this is fun--not creepy' kind of way.

I didn't end up leaving SJ until 2:20 am. BAD PLAN. At 3:30 I stopped at the BigStop and had a nap in the parking lot. At 4:30 I continued the rest of the way home...at 5:10 I climbed into my bed for another 4 hours of sleep before work on Friday. Very much worth it. I had a lovely time. :-)

I talked to DD on the phone for almost an hour last night. About nothing in particular. He mentioned how flattered he was that I drove to SJ to see him. I pointed out (AGAIN) that he comes here to see me all the time. He said that nobody had ever made a special trip to see him before. I suggested that they SHOULD have. Everybody deserves to be treated like they're special. Because they are. :-) Anyway...on Thursday night, he had said 'I'll come by on Monday.'

Yesterday on the phone he said something about coming by on Wednesday. I said 'oh, Wednesday? Not Monday after all? Okay.' He said 'Monday is okay too!' I said 'well, Monday, Wednesday...whichever. Either is fine with me. Or both. Whichever.'

He said 'I'm leaning towards both, if that's really okay with you.'

Anyway...surprisingly enough...it IS okay with me. And I don't think anybody is more surprised by that than me.

I was really worried that my motivations were wrong. And I don't think that they are. I just really want to make sure that I'm not rebounding here, because he's far too nice a man for me to hurt un-necessarily. He's so awkward at boy-girl stuff. And it's funny--I'm not so good at it either. I am great at it when I don't actually care. But...I figure that if I'm prepared to give up 2 days with my family to spend one day with a boy...and that if I'm willing to drive 4 hours in one day to go to the movies with a boy...something's gotta be okay with it. :-)

So tomorrow's Monday...and the boy is coming to visit me. Which will be good, because the COB starts back at work tomorrow, and the drama will begin yet again. Things have been shitty, but not as horrible as before, at work lately. The COB is certain to make things as horrible as possible as quickly as she can. I just need to remember that I AM THE BOSS and she can suck it.

It's a lot easier to put things in perspective when I have positives to focus on.

Oh YEAH!!! BEST POSITIVE EVER!!! I'm getting a dog! :-) His name is Darwin and he comes to live with me on the 21st. I'll tell you all about him next time...I'm exhausted now, and it's 1 am. Tomorrow's going to be a loooong day at the orifice.

Missing you all--sorry I'm such a slacker.

A bit of a habit...

...this not updating regularly business. Too much going on, I think. I'm kind of glad about that, and yet at the same time, not.

This past week at work was hellish. Crazy, insanely busy. One of the sales-guys was on vacation (Cuba, the lucky bastard!) all week, and this is the week that the weather broke. It was nice out, and the contractors were out in full force. BI-ZEE. Anyway, I didn't get any of my own work done because I was too busy doing his work instead. Oh well. It was fun, at least. I got to do the stuff that I ENJOY doing--but I still caught grief for the stuff that I didn't get done. Oh well.

Wednesday night I got a call from DD--he was in need of a beverage (rough day at the office) and wanted beer and company. We met up in Moncton and went to the Old Triangle for a bit. It's not as cool as the Triangle in Halifax, but it's still not a bad little spot. The band sucked, but my hamburger was AMAZING, so things evened out pretty much okay.

DD had LOTS of Guiness, and I did not. I drove him back to his hotel, ducked out on not-so-subtle but kind-hearted suggestions that I take the spare bed, and was home around 3 AM.

I worked Thursday from 8-5, and then TOM FUN!!!! I tried desperately to have a nap before the show, but that didn't materialize. I laid here and thought about how icy cold my toes were, and how much better things would be if they'd just defrost, dammit, and that if I weren't so tired and cold I'd get out of bed and fill up the HWB so they wouldn't be cold anymore. After an hour of that, I just got up instead.

DD came by the house just after 9 to get me. We left here about 9:30-ish, as the show was slated for a 10pm start. Silly me, believing in a 10pm start.

We first listened to a not-terrible local hip-hop group. They got much better as the set progressed. I've never heard hip-hop with an harmonica before, so it was quite unique. I liked it.

Then we progressed to 'I See Rowboats'. This was a bunch of very talented musicians, who for one reason or another sucked as a unit. I didn't enjoy it AT ALL. I was becoming quite disillusioned. I was also not drinking, as I had discovered Thursday afternoon that my CEO was expected to visit on Friday afternoon and that I would now have to work early in the morning instead of at the crack of noon.

Tom Fun took the stage, and all was forgotten. Good times ensued. I sat for two songs, and then could sit no longer. I asked DD if he was staying, or coming with...he said he was coming with, but he doesn't move nearly as quickly as me. I was up on the dance-floor before he knew what hit him. He has spatial issues. I like mine. He apparently wasn't aware that elbows aren't just to be used on strangers. Oopsie. :-)

Poor DD. Anyway, he drank, I didn't. He loosened up a bit, and even danced some. I drove us home. I had a drink of water, and went to bed. He went to the spare room, which I'm almost prepared to designate as DD's room. He's the only person, other than me, that's slept in this house since I've owned it; also he's the only person who's spent more than 2 nights in that room. Poor fella, no spine = getting your own room.

DD has a serious crush. It's kind of flattering, because it's nice to know that somebody's interested. But at the same time it's frustrating. He's a really nice guy that I know I can't get involved with. And he's a really nice guy, who is attractive enough, but he doesn't set my world on fire.

And I'm not prepared to get involved with someone from work if they don't set my world on fire. Because there's just too much risk. Too much to lose. And I'm not prepared to risk my reputation for a fling. Because that's what it would be. Well, I'm not prepared to risk it for a fling just yet, anyway.

To be fair, nobody's set my world on fire in a really long time. I've always been more of a slow-burn kind of girl than the spontaneous-combustion kind. Generally it sneaks up on me that I've grown to love someone and that I can't imagine not having them around. That's not to say that I don't find people physically attractive, because physicality is an incredible thing; but I've only once in my life experienced pure chemistry--physical and emotional...and man...was it amazing.

I really don't know if I will ever find that again, to be honest. I've been giving that a lot of thought lately. Steven has a new girlfriend that he met online. She's amazing. He brought her by yesterday when he came to see the new house. They were on their way back from a bowling tourney in PEI. She went with, just to watch. THAT is a good new girlfriend thing to do. An AMAZING new girlfriend thing to do, to be more accurate.

Anyway, she's fantastic. But the point was, that they've been seeing each other exactly two weeks. She's gone away on a trip with him. Their second date was her going to a party at Duffy's and meeting all his friends. She has now come away to meet me. They were touching, and cozy, and affectionate.

I don't understand how he found someone so amazing, who appears to think he's amazing too, so quickly. Verge did the same thing. Once he finally decided to sign up for POF, the first woman that he actually went on a date with--he ended up starting a relationship with. I don't get it.

Maybe I AM too picky. Maybe I should throw caution to the wind a bit more often. But honestly, if I know that I'm not interested in someone long-term, why should I waste their time or mine? Why would I spend time with some poor man who I, for one reason or another, don't find attractive? I wouldn't. And I shouldn't.

But how do other people do it? I really don't get it.

Anyway, I kind of derailed my thought process. But I've been thinking about this stuff quite a bit the last week or so. I don't know if it's the lapse in judgement with Billy the other weekend, the fact that Steve is so suddenly and blissfully happy, the fact that DD is so doggedly interested even if he's a chicken-shit, or my impending birthday...but I've been considering stuff.

I'll fill you in on 'stuff' as it develops.

Back to the update:

Friday I got up around 8, and tried to be quiet. I showered, dressed, and made myself coffee. Then DD got up too. I think I made him feel guilty. Oh well. :P We sat around and chatted while we drank coffee. I actually ate breakfast, because I was killing time waiting for him to finish his coffee so I could politely kick him out. He was going to my store to do some security stuff, so I wanted him to get there before I did.

I was in to work just after 9. This was going to be a loooong day, waiting for the CEO to show up. I worked an uber-long day for naught, it seemed...I found out at 1pm that my CEO wasn't coming after all. So I made DD take me to lunch. My office manager suggested I just take the whole afternoon; I didn't do that, but I DID manage to take almost 2 hours for lunch. It was amazing. Like playing hookey.

I worked like a dog all day Saturday, and did something Saturday night that I haven't done in ages.

I stayed home.

It was great. I did some laundry, a few loads of dishes, and was in bed by 11:30. Asleep by midnight. I didn't even get up on Sunday until 10 am. It was FANTASTIC.

Sunday should have brought homework, resume refreshing, unpacking...but for the most part it did not.

I got up at 10, did some dishes. I cleaned the kitchen. I finally folded up the loaner cot and took it downstairs to the back door for returning. I swept the kitchen floor. It was great. I ate breakfast, made soup, and baked peach crisp.

At noon, Shaun (used to work for me in Hali) stopped by with his dog for a visit. It was great. I remembered how amazing it is to have a dog in the house. She was cozy and snuggly, and big, and her nails clicked on the floor. She did manage to shed a lot, but meh...so do I. I WAAAAAANT a dog.

I know I could have one...and that it would be company here at the house. But it would definitely mean an end to my random 'pick up and go' trips. I would have to plan what to do with the dog, and the current 'where will I stay' dilemma would become that much more trying.

That, and if I do manage to find myself a new job, I will have to move...and there's no telling where I'd be able to find a place in the city that would allow me to have a dog. So for now, I'll resign myself to just visiting with Shaun's dog every now and again.

Later in the afternoon, Steve and Dawna stopped by. Shaun stayed for 3 hours, they stayed for 2...it was a day filled with visitors. Which was lovely, but meant that i didn't get anything done past 11:45 am. Good thing I got moving as soon as I got up!

Anyway...bedtime. Must sleep. Updates again tomorrow night...likely when I should be studying Gaelic. Doh! :-) G'night poppets.

Brief update

Hey poppets--

I'm in Saint John today for a 2 day meeting for work. It's nice to see all the folks I used to work with, and know that they're happy to see me. Tomorrow we spend the day getting yelled at, but last night and tonight will be fun.

This past weekend--went to Halifax to see the record release show of the Tom Fun Orchestra. It was a great show. It was a bit awkward because Billy was there, so I was VERY happy that Tamara and Joanna came with. We spoke briefly. I saw him holding hands with some girl. Leads me to believe (NOW) that they weren't involved, because he doesn't do that with people he's actually interested in--but at the time, it was a bit of a kick in the gut. (*JUST* a bit. *snort*)

So...I danced like a crazy person with some cool hippie with a beard and ear plugs (*boggle*) and some guy grabbed my ass and I didn't pop him in the face over it. In fact, it was kinda flattering. I know, I amaze me too sometimes.

Saturday I got up early and got a haircut, then Tamara and I ran errands. We went to the market to visit her grandparents, and since we were in Darkness, I called Billy to drop off his stuff. He asked if we would drive him to his car downtown. So we did. I know, I amaze me too sometimes.

I gave him the rest of his Christmas gift, and as I have previously stated...I give GOOD GIFT. He loved them. He opened then, and looked like a kid with a new bike. He looked over somewhat awkwardly like he wasn't sure if he should hug me or not. I was standing watching with my arms folded over my chest, so that pretty much solved that problem.

We dropped him at his car, and all the way downtown I had a hard time finding something to say. We've got too much history for small-talk, and not enough to say to make conversation.

K...roomie's back--more tonight.

Always keep an edge on your knife...

We went to see Corb Lund last night at the Marquee, and it was a great time. Good show, if a bit pricey. I really SHOULD have gone to see him last year when it was only $15 instead of $25! Ah well...it was a good time for the most part.

We bumped into a girl from Billy's gaelic class outside on the sidewalk after and talked to her and her boyfriend for a while. She's really sweet. Her boyfriend is actually a native Gaelic speaker, which completely blows my mind. I'm not used to people in their 20s speaking the language fluently--and boy does he! A-- was saying that he talks to his dad on the phone in Gaelic. "...bacon anns an freezer..." Tee-hee! It makes the language evolve and live. It's pretty spiff. :)

I'm up and typing while Bill's still sleeping. I wish I was asleep. I have a feeling today is going to be another day filled with angst and emotion. Blargle. I came here this weekend determined to NOT have one of those...to just have a great time and go on ahead with things. Who knows...maybe I can pull it off still.

I have another post sitting in my own computer at home, just waiting to be posted. So I'll do that when I go back home this afternoon...then you'll hear about my Tuesday. My Tuesday was pretty good...which is why I was hoping for minor miracles today. :)

Billy's learning a song to lead for milling! That's awesome. I'm really envious of the whole gang of Gaelickers that get to go and mill--it looks like a heck-load of fun. :) I hope that he lets me hear him today before I go--I'd love to go and see them perform, but since I don't get to do that, I hope to hear him here. :)

Anyway, radio's on, so that means he's awake. Let's see how today turns out! :)

Happy Sunday, folks! :)