Cleaning house

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I.O.U.

I owe you a big long post catching you up on all the wonderful and not so wonderful things that have happened this past week.

I've had an amazingly busy week, which is why I haven't updated. I didn't realize that it's been an entire week.

Short version:

Tuesday: Party went really well--everyone was happy. The food, for some reason, came in $120 less than they quoted us. *boggle* I paid in cash, and gave them a $50 gift card to use as a staff incentive at their own function. I figured it was the right thing to do.

Wednesday: DD came by and cooked me supper in my own kitchen. DELISH. He crashed in my spare room.

Thursday: DD came by again. We visited. I was exhausted and had work to do. Kicked him out at 2. Offered either futon, or get out. It was much more polite, but really...shit or get off the pot.

Friday: Went to Halifax. Went for Thirstday with Billy. Had a wonderful time. Stayed up FAAAAR too late gabbing. Slept 3 hours at the hotel, and then worked Saturday at 7:45 am.

Saturday: Worked all day at old store. Used term 'worked' lightly. It was a lovely day. Then got haircut at 4:30 -- last one for a year until hairdresser returns from Australia. Visited Heidi and her odd little baby until 8:30. Picked up Alicia, and went to a party. Stayed up until 3:00 when I crashed hard on Morgan's futon. (Who's Morgan? Exactly.)

Sunday: breakfast, then came home. Did work all afternoon. Slept.

Monday: worked, worked, and more worked. Slept.

Tuesday: Worked, worked, and more worked. Slept.

Wednesday: worked, worked, and more worked. Brought home a crapload of work. Between 5 and 10 pm got called back to work 3 times. As a result, I didn't accomplish much of the work that I brought home to do.

This brings us to the point of this post.

I am grateful for Billy. I am grateful for having a friend who listens and picks up the phone, and makes me not feel like a complete and utter failure for being overwhelmed, and sad, and lonely.

Today was okay, but tonight was complete and utter shite.

I'm disappointed in Tracey. She hasn't returned any of my calls since February. I have a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of friends. I don't let people in easily...so when I do, they matter to me. And when I do, I hope that they'll be there for me like I've been there for them. So yeah...I'm sad and disappointed in her.

I was very sad that I went through my whole phone list and didn't have anybody that I wanted (or felt that I could) call to just sob at and look to for comfort. The only person other than Tracey was Billy, and I wasn't about to call him.

Until I was online, snivelling. And he asked what was wrong, and I told him. And I was bawling as I typed. For no real reason, even, that I can tell. Just overwhelming sadness and loneliness.

So I DID call him. Because I needed more of a connection with another human being than MSN could provide me. And it was wonderful. *HE* was wonderful. He listened. He comforted. And he encouraged me to walk away. Now, I know that I can't do that. But I know that I can take steps.

He even mentioned a job that he'd seen that I may be qualified for. So he's going to send it to me tomorrow. Because I really DO need to do something else.

But anyway. It was nice to have someone to lean on. And I thanked him. And I apologized--'it's not your responsibility to listen to me. It's not your job anymore. It's not fair for me to do this to you.' "I'm glad you called me. I *LIKE* to do it. I miss it."

And Shoe sent me an email on FB telling me I was wonderful. Which was really nice. Because back when he knew me? I was. It made me smile. :)

I'll fill in the details later--because the rest of the week, while intense, was rather marvellous. It was just tonight that was utter bollocks. And tomorrow will be better.

So my point?

I am grateful for having true friends. And for finding the nerve to pick up the phone when I needed them. I'm grateful for the boy, even if he's not *my* boy anymore.

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3 Comments:

  • Honey, I'm inclined to agree with Billy. It doesn't sound like this job is worth it.
    You haven't been happy since you took it, and you're constantly overworked, and overwhelmed. Re-read all your posts since you moved...

    Either that, or talk to the powers that be and tell them that the job is simply impossible for just one person.

    My two cents...
    xo

    By Blogger Princess of the Universe, At Thu Apr 03, 11:37:00 am  

  • You do seem to be overworked.

    I'm glad you can still talk to Billy and feel ok about it. That's hard to do.

    By Blogger PrincessB, At Thu Apr 03, 11:40:00 am  

  • just quit, go on pogey, and start smoking and drinking as a way of life. it's a viable option, now that you're a maritimer! ;)

    just kidding.. you are sooo much better than this job. you are sooo much more qualified and so much more interesting than the little square hole they want you to be in.

    take the experience, document it on a resume, and get out there. do more, be more, be HAPPY.

    and hey, call me next time. even if you're not bleeding, YOU can call me on my cell.

    By Blogger chRistine, At Sat Apr 05, 03:49:00 pm  

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