Cleaning house

Monday, November 26, 2007

Good night!

Good evening, my lovelies :)

I'm beat, but I just wanted to pop in and leave you a little bit of a post.

Today was good. An exercise in frustration, but good. I ended up coming home still coupled up. I'm happy about that. VERY happy about that, in fact.

I talked to Tracey for almost an hour tonight on my way home. (Long distance. To Alberta. On my cell phone. Shit.) I whinged and complained a lot...and explained some things to her that I didn't even realize myself yet.

I was thinking while I was at Billy's, and then actually said it to Tracey tonight, that if he were to honestly and sincerely ask me to go out west with him...and actually WANT me to...I'd go. I'd sell my beautiful new house, and take a leave of absence, and go. It'd be career suicide, but that's where I'm at emotionally right now.

And I'm too terrified to tell him that.

Scary that the one person I should feel most comfortable telling that to, is the one person I am petrified to tell. (Probably even more scary is the fact that I'm comfortable telling a herd of relative strangers on the interweb. Them's the breaks, I guess!)

Anyway...I was happy to see him. And happier still to figure out how to shake myself out of this funk a little bit. I've set up some solid plans (just with myself for now, but it's a start) for dates I can visit my boy. And I've decided to go back to my happiness journal. I used to keep a journal every night of 5 things that made me happy that day. Some times it was a real stretch--for instance, 'strange man at Tim Horton's held the door for me'--but most days, I have a hard time listing only 5. But having been in such a funk, for such an extended period of time, I figured it was time to make a comeback.

So I did it tonight, and I feel better about things. And then I posted here, which ALWAYS makes me feel better. And I MSN'd billy a little bit when I got home, adn that was great. Not to mention, Saskatchewan won the football game! ;)

Goodnight folks---and I'm really sorry I couldn't be more supportive of your team, Princess! My condolences to you and your whole crew out there in Winterpeg!

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