Jumping right back in.

Just breaking the silence.

I figured that the best way to start again, is to just do it.

So here you go.

I should be asleep...so I'm going. But I've got a lot to say...so I'll be back.

-DD finally said something about liking me
-he did it on the Wednesday after the last post
-we didn't get a lot of sleep because it took him until 3am to get up enough nerve to say something
-my response was nervous laughter (this is NOT a good way to respond)
-we smooched
-that was good
-he came back the next week
-we smooched more
-we may have done more than smooch
-i pointed out how terrible an idea it would be for us to get involved, but did it anyway
-he REALLY likes me
-he's a pretty decent man
-who really, REALLY likes me
-who's willing to drive 2 hours at a time to see me
-this weekend he did it on Friday night for a surprise
-it was a pretty good surprises
-lynn and alicia were coming down already that day though to help paint the house
-he stayed anyway and hung out with all of us
-they liked him, he liked them. it was a good surprise
-the girls painted my living room while i was at work on saturday
-it was awesome of them
-my house is starting to feel like MY HOUSE--now that it's painted especially
-the trim still needs done, but i can live with this for now--it's just sooo much better
-before this weekend, I was talking to DD on Wednesday or Thursday, and apparently a contact of his at H*me Despot emailed him about 'i hear you're sleeping with one of your store managers'
-it was annoying, irritating, pissed me off, angered me, and was incredibly disheartening that a reputation i've worked hard to build for 10 years could be destroyed by someone's car sitting in my driveway overnight.
-this weekend happened, and it was a great weekend--very relaxing.
-Also, it was nice to see a boy that wanted to see me and so drove 2 hours on his motorcycle to make that happen, and then drove 3 hours home in a rain storm. And is prepared to do it again...however long that takes. Pretty spiff.
-the girls painted my house. Awesome.
-i got lots of sleep, lots of jabber, and lots of friendly love. I have AMAZING friends. I am VERY, VERY, VERY lucky.
-tonight, i got a message from DD that he was getting called up on the carpet by the powers that be because someone called someone important to mention that we're seeing one another. Which we're technically not. Because I haven't decided yet. But he was warning me so that i could be aware in case someone said something to me.
-he's very thoughtful like that, because he wants me to not suffer any repercussions because he really wants us to go someplace. And he's considerate like that anyway.
-but he's worried. and I'm very worried for him. i'm prepared to tell people to fuck themselves because my private life is none of their business. however, his job DOES intersect with mine, and i don't want to do anything to jeopardize his integrity (or my own!)
-he's doing the physical test for the RCMP in 2 weeks. if he passes that, then he's quitting anyway
-i don't want to ever date a cop
-i should likely back off now anyway--and make his life easier. But i get the decided impression that he does not want that at all. he wants more involvement, not less. he's very persuasive.
-i want to be sure it's the right decision. *sigh*
-people suck, big time.

Anyway...bedtime.

Oh yes...and I may be flying home to Ontario on Wednesday morning for a funeral, and then back here on Friday morning. My last remaining grandparent died tonight. It's sad, but mostly because I feel loss at a relationship that never really was.

I always envied people who were closer to their grandparents. My grandma on my dad's side was never particularly close to us--not since we were tiny, anyway. She's a lovely woman who loved Jesus in a way that is not quite natural. She bought into all the television evangelists and whatever snake oil they were selling this week. She parented her kids until they turned 12, then they were on their own. She thought my mother was the only thing keeping my dad out of the priesthood. She wanted my mom to name me Thursyl (thanks for not doing that, mom). But for all that, she loved my father more than ice cream. She was a good woman. I did love her...but I didn't really KNOW her.

She lived far away, and her lifestyle kept her even farther away. My dad worked at keeping his family at a distance, and now that we're all adults, it seems natural to keep doing it.

But I should go home. I should do it for my dad. I should do it for myself. I should do it to honour the relationship that I always wished I had with a woman I hardly knew. I should do it to honour the relationships that my cousins DID have. And to reconnect with a family that I haven't seen in ages.

I will have to see what's going on...the flight is over $500, and I only have 3 days in which to complete it. I'd leave at 6 on Wednesday (from Moncton) and then come back out of Toronto at 8 on Friday morning. It's a whirlwind. I'm going to have to see if I can make it happen or not.

I'll keep you posted. On all of it.

I have a day to spend with my DM tomorrow. His boss is apparently the one that told DD's boss to cool it with the fraternizing. So we'll see if MY boss dares to say anything to me. I really WILL tell him to fuck himself if that's the case.

But first I'll get permission for the bereavement leave. :)

This is a long one!

There has been so much going on lately, that I just really haven't had time to post. I should have been, because God knows I won't remember half of it in a month...but them's the breaks sometimes, I guess.

I've had two absolutely fantastic weekends off in a row. Two weekends ago, I went for an immersion weekend at the Gaelic College at St.Ann's, in Cape Breton. I met up with Billy in Truro and we car-pooled, which was nice. Shay, B-A and Pat all drove up together much earlier in the day. The Saturday wasy Billy's birthday, so we sang to him in Gaelic. B-A and Shay brought him a cake. I was very glad that they did, because I had planned to do the same thing and failed miserably at that mission.

I'd stayed up late on Wednesday to bake cupcakes, but ended up not doing it. I was going to do that on Thursday, but then DD came by and I didn't. I was up much too late yet again.* So Friday right after my JA class, I hurried through my P&L statement and then hit the road. I forgot to stop at the store for a cake. I was glad that the others had done it.

We drank a lot, sang a lot, and learned a lot. I learned how to Strip the Willow. I did so with my new friend Reji, who is in a wheelchair. It was a whole heck of a lot of fun spinning in circles and dancing the longest square-set in the history of man.

I met an amazing old man, Peter-Jack MacLean. He's 94 and he is in love with me. I spent quite some time chatting with him and listening to his stories. He is a fascinating man...and he stayed up until 1:45 with us on Saturday night--and was disappointed when we were packing up to go back to the room! He lives on Christmas Island, and I have an open invitation to visit any time I like. I am going to do so on my next weekend off, I think. I'm looking forward to it quite a lot.

The following week was good, mostly. Work was crummy, but tolerable. No big visits, but a lot of threats of corporate visits--so there was a lot of scrambling to ensure we were ready. I managed to hold onto my post Great-Weekend glow until some time into Wednesday, so things were good.

This past weekend was my birthday weekend. I was hoping for a wild road-trip adventure...but nobody was available to go with me. So I ended up in Halifax, and man, did I have a great time.

I was about to become slightly depressed that I had no place to go--my plans changed from wild, road-trip adventure to staying home, cleaning my house and unpacking boxes adventure. How sad. I was talking to Scoot (my old boss), and he said 'go to Halifax. You were going to pay for an hotel anyway--so do it here, and hang out with your friends. People want to see you--just because you feel like a mooch, doesn't mean other people think you are one.' So I did.

I had taken the Friday (my actual birthday!) off, and did a few domestic things at home that made me actually feel like it was my house. I put up a new towel bar and took down the brass one that looked like bamboo stalks. I put up the matching toilet paper dispenser. I took down the manky soap dish and toothbrush holder. I felt productive. It was great.

I declared the weekend to be a Pants-Free Weekend. I wore nothing but skirts and dresses all weekend. It was fabulous, and I do have to say, I looked incredible for most of the weekend. *flex*

Anyway...the Friday night, I didn't sleep in my hotel bed. I got totally trashed. I had sex. I had sex with someone WAAAAAAY younger than me. I, am officially a cougar. Or creepy--I'm not sure which. 13 years is quite a big gap...Yikes. But hey...it's true, so Meh. It was fun. And he started it. I simply participated. Well--not so simply, but whatever. *grin*

There's a TON more stuff...and I'll write it down, because it bears knowing and documenting. It was FUN...but I want to get to the newest turns of events.

Um...So for my birthday, on Thursday, I went in to work and found an envelope on my desk containing a card. DD had sent me via expresspost a birthday card. It was incredibly thoughtful. Even more-so was the fact that he also got me 2 tickets to the Sadies at the Marquee on the 30th of May. Woot! Not necessary, but really very thoughtful.

Moreso, even, because it was the only card I received prior to my birthday. My mom's card showed up on Monday. Which was still lovely, but late.

I got 2 cards this year. I had an absolutely fantastic time out, and some of my favourite people were there--so I had an overall incredible day.

So...DD. A whole 'nother story there.

He was here on Tuesday night. We were up too late. He finally got the balls to say that he likes me. Except...wow, did he say it. And I'm not sure how I want to proceed, honestly. I'll have to fill you in on this stuff tonight...because I have to get going right now.

But I really need to look at the fact that some really amazing men have fallen for me in my life--and try to figure out exactly why that is--and why they do it at the most inappropriate points in time.

Anyway. I kissed two men within a week. It's almost like the Summer of Sadie revisited. And maybe it will be. But sheesh. Too many difficult decisions.

Blah, this post was disjointed and long, but at least I got the block out of the way, and can get back to my routine a bit.

I have had a couple of really fantastic weekends--and a couple of really absolute shit-tastic days at work this week--and I'm still standing. So I guess we'll see what happens from here. *grin*

Happy Friday, poppets. Sorry I disappeared. I won't let it happen like that again.